Let us start by getting one thing straight: As someone who grew up there, Central New Jersey is a valid geographical location. It most certainly exists and if you think otherwise, I refuse to listen to your argument. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, allow me to elaborate: New Jersey as a whole is saddled with both a poor reputation as well as a proclivity for being the subject of countless jokes (many of which are entirely warranted, but I digress). However, many of those who live outside of “The Armpit of America” are unaware of the pros of living there. More specifically, those who do not reside in the middle of the state are unaware of the great deal of advantages associated with living in Central Jersey, regardless of its lack of geographical consideration. O’ Central Jersey, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…
1. It’s Situated Between Two Major Metropolitan Areas:
Located in an area about equidistant to both New York and Philadelphia, this place has everything. Well, perhaps not everything, but living in Central Jersey provides a unique experience in the sense that it’s fairly easy to get to both of these prominent cosmopolitan areas.
2. We Have Way More Sports Teams Than We Could Ever Possibly Need:
Going hand in hand with Central NJ’s fortuitous location between two significant metropolitan areas is the vast selection of professional sports teams available for fans to cheer for. For example, in addition to the New Jersey Devils, who I root for in hockey, I am a huge fan of the New York Mets when it comes to baseball, but I am a Philadelphia Eagles fan when it comes to football. How can such a counterintuitive, blasphemous situation exist? Central Jersey, that’s how.
When it comes to football season, I may quarrel with fans of the New York Giants, but in the end, both those who settle for mediocrity, as well as us Eagle fans (who I suppose settle for Super Bowl title-less atrociousness instead) share a mutual bond of despising the Dallas Cowboys.
3. We Have Our Pick of Regional Dialect:
Another intriguing aspect of living in this particular area of New Jersey is the variety of dialect one can use when describing food. Specifically, someone from Central Jersey has the luxury of either embracing their inner Philadelphian and saying “hoagie” to describe a sandwich, or being boring and using the term “sub.” Furthermore, New Jersey is famous for its pork roll, egg, and cheese sandwiches. However, North Jersey refers to pork roll as “Taylor Ham,” whereas South Jersey simply refers to it as “Pork Roll.” Someone who lives between these two areas can use both if they so choose. Coincidentally enough, one could even say that Central Jersey is linguistically sandwiched between North Jersey and South Jersey (pun intended).
4. It’s an Extraordinarily Diverse Region:
One of the more fascinating characteristics of the middle part of New Jersey is its amazing diversity. Socioeconomically, racially, and ethnically, Central NJ boasts some of the most diverse townships in the country. This is especially captivating given the fact that there are no major metropolitan areas actually located in the center of the state. The people of Central Jersey may come from all different backgrounds, but at the end of the day, they may as well all be cast members of “Jersey Shore” to the rest of the United States.
5. It’s a Blend of Both Rural and Urban:
Central Jersey is what I like to describe as “residentially agrarian.” It is a place where modern suburbia prevails, in the sense that it is a meld of commercial development, small agriculture, and woodland. Unlike South Jersey, with both its large swathes of country and pine forest, and North Jersey, with its expansive urban sprawl, Central Jersey has been fortunate enough to get the best of both worlds.
[Cue the Hannah Montana music.]
6. Central Jersey is Free of the Factories and Landfills That Dominate NJ Stereotypes:
Contrary to the numerous stereotypes placed on the great state of New Jersey as a whole, it is not just one enormous cesspool. In fact, most of the state is void of the industrial parks, factories, and landfills that seem to characterize the state in its entirety. Central Jersey is actually one of the greenest parts of the state.
7. Princeton!:
Ah, Princeton… from Hoagie Haven to The Bent Spoon to the Record Exchange, Princeton has all you could ever need. Oh, and I heard there’s like a pretty prestigious university there or something, but who cares about that, right?
8. We enjoy an Iconic Amusement Park:
Six Flags Great Adventure represents what New Jersey really is all about: Vomit-inducing features and severely overpriced attractions. All right, I’m kidding. Great Adventure is an awesome amusement park that encompasses a variety of different thrill rides, from classics like Congo Rapids to the the behemoth roller coaster Kingda Ka, which is both the tallest and second fastest roller coaster in the world. Constructed in 2004, Kingda Ka offers you the second most thrilling 50 seconds of your life (you’re welcome).
Perhaps even more thrilling, however, is the idea of that creepy, dancing Six Flags old guy from its commercials booking it down a near vertical drop at about 100 miles per hour. What could possibly be more Central Jersey than that?
9. Famous Musicians Have Their Origin Here:
One of the most cherished pastimes of people from New Jersey bragging about things. More specifically, they love to brag about musicians like Jon Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen who came out of where else but Central Jersey. For example, Springsteen may have been “Born in the USA,” but what he didn’t tell you, (obviously because he didn’t want you to get jealous), is that he was more specifically from Central New Jersey.
So, for those of you potentially reading this that live elsewhere, remember: New Jersey is not all Chris Christie nor is it all Snooki, Mike “The Situation, Pauly D, and company.
I am legitimately ashamed that I know that many cast members of “Jersey Shore.” Moreover, I will say that when it comes to breaking NJ down into best regions, Central NJ takes the cake (well, that is before Chris Christie can get to it). And finally, Central Jersey exists, damn it. Stop pretending it doesn’t!
