Whether you’ve been in a long distance relationship for three months or three years, you know it’s a struggle. You miss them when you see a couple holding hands, you miss them when you wake up alone in the morning, you miss them when you pass by the coffee shop where you had your first date. You just miss them. But you probably also know that for the right person, it’s worth the lonely nights and missed anniversaries. However, that doesn’t stop you from wishing the world would work its mysterious ways in your favor for once.
1. Why isn't the whole world in the same time zone?
I mean I guess the earth is revolving around the sun and all, but they want to talk while you’re in the middle of dinner with your friends and you want to talk before you go to bed at night, but they’ve already been asleep for four hours, so it's a little annoying.
2. Why is a body pillow called a body pillow?
It doesn’t radiate heat, it doesn’t steal the covers, and it doesn’t snore. It’s not the same.
3. Why does everyone keep asking me if we’re still together?
Yes, I understand that you cannot physically see the proof of my relationship because my significant other happens to be 4,000 miles across the ocean, but unless otherwise stated, we are still making things work.
4. Why aren't plane tickets free?
Because I shouldn’t have to sell my soul to the devil and offer up my liver on the black market just to visit my person.
5. Shouldn’t teleportation have been invented by now?
I mean we literally have cars that can drive themselves and glasses that can immerse you in any reality you choose. Dream bigger scientists, like 4,000 miles bigger.
6. Can someone invent a term for third-wheeling for long distancers?
Not because I need to differentiate myself from single people, but because it makes me a little sad.
7. What do I do with all of these chocolates on Valentine's day?
It's really a shame there's no one to share with. Thanks world for a holiday to remind me that I can’t be with my person.
8. Woah, when did my leg hair get so long?
Because while I do appreciate having smooth legs, it’s a lot of effort that seems to go to waste in the winter and considering that Skype doesn’t have a touch feature, I think I’ll just hibernate.
9. How many more days?
Because while countdowns can be torturous, especially when they involve three digit numbers, they also keep you sane.
Just be thankful we don’t live in the dark ages of snail mail anymore because waiting for ten days to hear anything from your person is much worse than third-wheeling ever could be.
