If you're a student at PC, there are probably some things you've wondered about. Some of these things can be easily answered, but some will probably always remain a mystery...probably because we couldn't handle the truth.

1. Who keeps putting laxatives in the food at Ray?

My money's on Dot, although Fran is a close second.

2. Why does Father Shanley have an apple tree in his yard?

Is this the real-life Garden of Eden? How often does he make apple pie? Also, does he have a pool or nah? Getting real tired of your games, Shanley. Real tired.

3. Did Houdini design the staircases in Harkins?

Try to get to the top floor. You can't.

4. Who decided to put Al Mag, Sowa, and Hickey all in one building?

It once took me four days to find Sowa in Al Mag. Four days.

5. How does every class somehow lead back to Thomas Aquinas?

Good guy, but I just don't see what he has to do with math. Even he looks like he's over it.

6. When can I go back to Clubbies?

When I die, spread my ashes in Clubbies.

7. Are the majority of the outlets in Slavin just there to deceive us?

Because my laptop is not charging.

8. Who thought Panic! At The Disco would be an adequate substitute for Nelly?

"I Write Sins Not Tragedies" may have been middle school fire, but "Hot in Herre" is forever fire.

9. Is Vance Morgan born with it, or is it Maybelline?

Who are we kidding, he was born with it. That's the kind of elegance you can't buy in any store.