When my mom called me the Saturday night before finals week to tell me that my grandpa had passed away, I truly thought my world was going to end. His death pushed me to my limits and showed me that I am stronger than I think. I wrote two papers and took six finals in three days, booked flights for my whole family and remained a relatively stable and somewhat normal person. None of it was easy and some days I am still scared to be living a life without him, but instead of falling apart when I get scared, I do my best to remember all the lessons he taught me. I would give just about anything to ask for one more piece of advice, watch one more weather segment in the living room, or take one more train ride together. I honestly never imagined I would miss him this much, but somehow I always know there will always be a piece of him living within me. His death taught me a lot of things, but not as much as his life taught me.

1. We all show love in different ways.

My grandpa wasn’t the kind of grandpa that was warm and fuzzy. He didn’t play games with us very often or read to us before bed. He was the kind of grandpa that gave us a reality check when we were too rowdy. He was the grandpa that told us he was proud of us in subtle ways, sometimes without words. He didn’t show his love by cuddling, or playing games with us. He showed his love by always making time for us, and although it was limited he always gave us his undivided attention. (Unless there was a train nearby) He never missed an opportunity to come to California to celebrate our birthdays, graduations and promotions. Whenever he was in town, he always made it a priority to watch me ride, come to my soccer games and support every hobby or interest I had at the time. I promise to always show my friends and family the kind of pure and genuine love he demonstrated.

2. Family doesn’t always mean blood.

Every time I was at his house there were always random people in and out of the house all day. This is because my grandparents welcomed every person they met into their home with the same kindness and love that they showed to blood relatives. My grandpa taught me to always make everyone feel welcomed and included, and to treat every patient, stranger or friend the same way we would treat our own family. He taught me that not everyone is lucky enough to be born into a family as loving as ours, but anyone is welcome to be a part of our family, even if we have just met them. I promise to treat every person I meet with absolute respect and kindness. And I promise to always treat my friends as family.

3. Find something you love and do it forever.

I don’t think we ever walked through town without at least one person stopping my grandpa to say, “Hey Doc Mills! You delivered all my children! Remember me?” It was rare that he remembered them, but it always put a smile on his face. He showed me how important it is to love what you do for a living. He spent his entire career delivering babies and dedicating his life to the well being of others. When it came time to retire he practically refused because he truly loved his job that much. This passion for trains, his family, and his career is something that has always inspired me. A life without passion isn’t a life worth living. I promise to follow my dreams and pursue my passions because I want to love my job and life as much as he did.

4. Trains are superior to every other type of transit.

For a while, I never really understood his passion for trains because in my mind trains always seemed inefficient, but as I got older I began to better understand. Trains take longer, but there is something magical about the sounds they make, the smoke that blows, and the feeling of the wheels turning on the track while you’re sitting in your seat. He loved trains not only for the horns and steam, but because they foster a kind of quality time that isn’t attainable in daily life. For my grandpa trains provided the perfect opportunity to disconnect from the outside world and truly enjoy the company of the people around you. He taught me that trains are better because even if it takes longer life isn’t about the time it takes to get to your destination, but is about the journey of getting there. I promise to always look at every experience in life as an opportunity for adventure and to live my life in the moment as often as possible.

5. Love never fails.

I know this one will seem like such a cliche, but my grandpa’s unwavering love for his wife is something I will never forget no matter how long he is gone. No marriage is without faults and his marriage to my grandma was no exception, they had their ups and downs, but their love for each other never faltered throughout 60 years of marriage. The way he looked at her, and loving called her “toot” will forever be ingrained in my memory. I promise to find a man that looks at me the way you looked at grandma and to show him the same respect, patience, kindness and love that you and grandma modeled for me.

6. With enough hard work, dedication and patience you can accomplish anything in life.

If I could only use one word to describe my grandpa it would be dedicated. He was truly dedicated to everything he did, whether is was his career, the church, or our family he always managed to give one hundred percent to everything he did. My grandpa was the definition of a “do it yourself-er.” He put together model trains for fun, assembled an organ in his spare time, bought and refurbished an old truck, and refused to buy a television because he decided he would build his own. He would spend hours tinkering with something, but somehow he always found a solution. He taught me to always strive to be the hardest working person in the room and to always give one hundred percent because at the end of every day I will feel accomplished if I try my hardest. I can’t say I know how to build a television, but I know I inherited his “can do” attitude, or as some people call me - stubborn. He taught me that the best thing in life is a goal achieved from hard work and dedication. I promise to always try my absolute hardest and dedicate myself fully to everything in my life.

7. Always check the weather.

As a child I used to beg my grandpa to change the TV channel because the only thing he ever wanted to watch was the weather. To a five year old that is like some kind of cruel punishment to be forced to watch the weather channel. He always used to tell me that it is important to check the weather often because the forecast can change very quickly and you don’t want to show up to school with rain boots on if it is going to hot! I always thought he was silly, but I can confirm that it is quite embarrassing to go to school with rain boots on when it is 80 degrees that day. I now check the weather every morning when I wake up, even before I do my Instagram scroll. I promise to always check the weather, and to teach my children and grandchildren to do the same.

8. Family is the most important thing.

At his funeral the pastor told us it was up to us to keep his legacy alive. My first thought was his legacy as a doctor, and my next thought was his legacy in the railroad community. As I sat through the rest of the service and listened to all the kind words spoken about him I began to realize that his legacy is so much more than a career or hobby. It isn’t about the amount of babies he delivered, or the trains he assembled. His legacy is the big, crazy, boisterous, strong family he built. His legacy isn’t a tangible item, but instead is the love and dedication he inspired in my family. He held our family together with strength during our toughest times and always provided comic relief when we needed it most. I may not become a doctor, or put together my own television, but I promise to carry on his legacy by living up to every expectation he set for family. I promise to work everyday to be a better daughter, sister, cousin, and niece.

9. It is always better to be overdressed than underdressed.

My grandpa was the epitome of class. He was always wearing either a button up or a polo shirt tucked into his pants with a belt. He was usually the most put together person in the room and he always carried a pen tucked away in the pocked of his collared shirts - because you never know when you need one. He only wore t-shirts if he was working on his car, or gardening. And his Sunday best always included a bow tie and sport coat. He taught me to dress to impress because it makes all the difference. I used to tell him that I thought it was silly to get dressed up to simply sit around the house and his only response to that was, "You never know who is going to show up at your house, so you should always be prepared." He taught me to always be overdressed and that bow ties will never go out of style I still think it is little silly to get dressed up just to sit around the house, but I promise to always look my best when it truly counts. And I promise to make my future husband wear bow ties.

10. No one is more or less important than anyone else.

This is arguably the most important lesson he taught me. My mom was raised in a small town named Indiana, Pennsylvania. The summers in Indiana were hot so most kids spent their days at the local pool with their friends. My mom was the only kid not allowed to go to the pool in the summer. The pool didn’t allow African American kids to swim there. This wasn’t unusual because my mom was raised during a time when racism and segregation was the norm, but my grandparents refused to accept that. My grandpa told my mom that she wouldn’t be allowed to swim at the pool until everybody could swim there. He told her that he would not allow her to support the segregation and that they were going to set an example for how things should be. He refused to accept society’s norm and fought against the racism and injustice.

He taught me that the true sign of character is always standing up for what is right, even when it is the most difficult thing to do. He taught me to always defend my beliefs no matter what. He taught me that race, beauty, intelligence and social status don’t define a person. He taught me that there is no person in this world that is better or worse than me because every person is a unique individual with their own set of skills and talents to offer. I promise to always fight for what is right and to stand firm in my beliefs. And I promise to treat every person I meet as an equal because I know nobody is better or worse than me.

You built our family on a foundation of kindness, loyalty, compassion, hard work and love. I promise to always live my life according to those values and hopefully your legacy will live on through us. I miss you more than I thought possible, but I know your legacy will continue because I can feel you in my heart everywhere I go. Love you forever, Doc Mills.