September 11, 2001. A day in America's history that changed almost everything. As citizens that lived through 9/11, even us younger ones, we began to face every day with a little bit of fear. The world didn't seem so safe anymore. Who could be trusted? It even came down to "what religions can be trusted" at times. America seemed to lose a safety net that it had always held onto. A lot of Americans didn't know anything about terrorists before 9/11. We had seen threats before, we had even seen small terrorist threats before, but we had never lived through something of this scale. 9/11 shook us to our core, brought us together, and tore us apart.

Soon after the attack, after the search for life had stopped, recovery began. The clean up crews came in and renovations slowly started. Many families of 9/11 victims who hadn't been found were angered by this. They felt as if their family members were being treated as trash. Posters went up every where saying that "daddy isn't trash," and similar statements. However, what was New York to do? They couldn't leave the rubble there, but moving it hurt like hell. How were they supposed to face a problem like this? Family hearts broke for the ones not found. They never got their proper goodbye.

Over the past (almost) 15 years, a memorial for 9/11 victims, survivors and families has been built. It includes two memorial pools with the names of every victim who lost their life and a huge museum that goes about seven stories into the ground. The museum includes columns from within the building's frame, destroyed emergency vehicles, clothing and other items left behind, wires that were salvaged and even a huge chunk of debris that totals five floors of the north tower. It also has missing posters and signs that were hung around after the attack in efforts to find missing loved ones. Some of the families of victims and many New Yorkers didn't want the museum. They felt as though the building of a memorial was only inshrining what the terrorists had done.

A lot of New Yorkers believe that the 9/11 terrorists and those that stood with the terrorists, look at the memorial and see it as a shrine to those that planned and executed the attacks. It's almost as if they look at it and say, "Look what we did! We destroyed them and then they build us a memorial to remember what we did." While most Americans look at the memorial as a way to remember the victims, the emergency crews and the families, and to mourn for them and America, some people think otherwise. A lot of people believe that buildings should have gone up in the place of the pools and a memorial should have been placed else where, if at all.

Before stepping foot into the 9/11 memorial, I knew it would be a hard situation. I remember that day 15 years ago, only vaguely, but I do remember it. I've seen the effects and the devastation that came from those planes. I've watched America change and I've watched us live in fear. After talking to a New Yorker who lived through it and reading stories about others, it got me thinking. Did we really need this kind of memorial? Do they really believe we did this for them?

As I walked through the memorial, I became more and more saddened and frustrated. It started to feel so morbid and so disrespectful. I stood staring at a destroyed firetruck where men had died and I felt like I was looking in at something I shouldn't be able to see. I stood behind a glass window and stared at a hunk of debris and wondered if human lives were lost there. No evidence of human remains were found. However, the rock would have to be destroyed to know for sure and even then it was so hot they wouldn't be traceable. I felt that I was looking in on something that people had lived through, had suffered through and that I shouldn't be able to see it. It wasn't that I did or didn't want to see it, it felt as though something happened that day in and around those towers that we shouldn't be able to witness.

While I don't believe that we are making a shrine to the terrorists that almost destroyed our country, it scares the hell out of me that they could, and probably do believe that. America needed and wanted a memorial. A lot of us didn't and still don't know how to offer our help but all of us still needed to mourn. That is the purpose of the memorial, but it just doesn't seem exactly right. No matter what we did, it was loss for everyone. Whether the memorial went up or it didn't so many lives were still lost.

I have faced this inner battle since leaving the memorial about a week ago. In all truth, I have realized it doesn't matter what we feel should or should not have been done. I won't be back to the museum because I felt as though I was an intruder on things that I shouldn't be able to see, but I will not deny that it helped me mourn and it helped me better understand. Every American that has the chance to, should pay their respects in whatever way they feel necessary. 9/11 changed us, it changed everything; that is something we should acknowledge. Acknowledging it doesn't mean we lose and it definitely doesn't mean they win, but it does mean that we can continue to repair that damage that seems permanent. It doesn't mean the victims or their families are forgotten because at least as long as I live they won't be, but it does mean that we can stand together ,memorial or no memorial, and someday know that we did everything we could.