Take a second and go back and think about what you were like in middle school. How your biggest worry was your locker getting jammed or moving down a spot on your friends MySpace top 8. Imagine something way worse than that happening to you when you are 12 years old. On October 20th, 2007 my world changed forever.
It started off as a regular Saturday morning; I can still remember every detail. The night before I was at our high school football game with all of my friends. In the morning, I went to my sister's soccer game. I remember getting there early and sitting on a park bench in Kiln Creek and talking to my dad. I remember thinking how nice it was because we never really sat down to talk without me thinking I was too cool for him (remember middle school grumpy early teen age). I can't remember what we talked about but it was really nice.
Once the game started, I watched my sister play while my Dad coached. I was kicking a soccer ball on the sidelines with one of my good friends and all of a sudden my dad collapsed. It was the scariest moment of my life. Everyone just thought he was dehydrated or something and called 911. Once the ambulance arrived they took my dad on a stretcher and asked him questions. He seemed fine and was joking around with the paramedics. My mom reassured us he was going to be okay and I wish I had the courage to say "Bye, I love you." To this day is the biggest regret of my life not saying that to him. That was the last time I saw my dad.
We went to a family friends house and my mom called telling us to go to the hospital. I thought he was okay but then my little sister, brother and I went into a room with my mom and there was a priest there. I remember being so confused and completely shocked when my mom, through tears, had to look at us and tell us my Dad had passed away. I remember just looking at her and actually pinching myself because it didn't feel real.
They said it was a pulmonary embolism, which is when a blood clot reaches your lungs and is normally fatal. It didn't make sense to me because he was so healthy, played soccer everyday at lunch and ran marathons and I still don't understand how it happened to him. I remember calling my best friend to tell her I had to cancel going to a festival later that day because my dad had passed away. Everything from that point on was a blur. The next couple of hours were full of shock and confusion. So many people came to our house that night and the next several days. Family came from all over to be there for us and the funeral. We had an amazing support system and to this day I am still so grateful for all the love and support we received from so many people.
I never realized how many lives my Dad truly touched. When he was alive I would always say how embarrassing he was but looking back he was seriously the coolest guy ever. Let's start off with how he was an All-American Lacrosse player who attended West Point. How cool is that!? I never realized how much it is an honor to attend West Point and how cool it was to be a Division 1 athlete and win All-American Honors and still hold records there. He coached about every sport my hometown offered and was my soccer and softball coach for many seasons. Lacrosse was still new to our area but he was really involved with getting the program started and helped coach boys and girls teams. I remember at his funeral my uncle giving the eulogy said, "We all know why God took him so early, he's starting a lacrosse team in Heaven and needed a coach." He always wore these pink shorts that I was so embarrassed about but now I think they are hilarious along with his shirt that said "Dad". I'll always remember the time Busch Gardens had a new roller coaster open and he took me out of school early so we could be one of the first to ride it. He had the funniest laugh that only happened when he rode roller coasters. He would always eat my veggies for me when I was little and we would always paint our faces and watch Disney movies together. I was super high maintenance as a little girl and he had such patience with me and truly loved me.
Right after it happened sometimes I would forget but then it would hurt all over again when the garage door didn't open at 5:30 for him coming home for dinner. Or when Saturday mornings didn't smell like his banana chocolate chip pancakes anymore. Holidays didn't have his video camera filming every second, not wanting to miss capturing a moment. There weren't any more lacrosse balls in the gutter of our roof because there was no one to throw them for us practice catching anymore. There was no one to stand at the top of the stairs singing "Chelsea, there's a boy on the phone for youuuuuuuuu" and interrogate whoever was calling. There was no one to stuff coffee mugs full of ice cream and I lost my competition to beat my highest Pinball score on the computer. There was no one to dress up like a scary vampire and take us trick or treating. I miss when he would help me with my math homework and I wouldn't erase my answers all the way and he would roll his eyes and get annoyed. I miss his New York accent and the way he would talk. Football and baseball games were no longer on our TV all day. There was no one saying "typical dad jokes" or anyone to laugh when he would always say "It smells like up dog in here" (answer- what's up dog? ha ha ha). We have to stand on ladders now to put the angel on top of our Christmas tree instead of him lifting us up. Or when people would say "parents" to me and I would have to say you mean my mom. Or people who didn't know and I had to awkwardly tell them my dad was no longer around. He wasn't around to buy us black and white cookies and cannolis whenever we visited his family on Long Island. I absolutely love visiting our family in New York because it feels like he is there with us and they always have the best stories about him.
It's been a rough 8 years. My mom is seriously so amazing for having to raise three kids on her own after everything she has been through. I have no idea how she does it, she's truly the strongest woman I know. The hardest part is thinking about everything I will miss out on. My dad didn't get to see me wear his #7 jersey number and be captain senior year for lacrosse, get my field hockey state ring, go to my high school graduation, or prom He has to miss every big event in my life, like moving me into college, or getting to walk me down the aisle when I get married.
I can't even imagine what he would say driving in a car with me when I got my license. Or everything we could've done together like probably running marathons together and how much better of a person I could've been. He totally would've rocked all of the "VT Dad" apparel, too. Sophomore year of high school my lacrosse team won the "Joel Portuese Cup" which was our league championship trophy named after him. It was such an honor to win that and know he would've been so proud. I love when people tell me stories about him or looking at picture of us. He truly loved my family and always put us first and wanted the best for us. As time has gone on it has gotten easier yet harder at the same time. Anyone who has lost someone can relate. One of the hardest things would be people saying "I know how you feel." No. You REALLY don't. Do not ever say that to someone because that only makes it worse. Getting to see my best friends with their dads on the regular and talking about them was the worst part. I am so jealous of everyone who is lucky enough for their dad to still be around and be close with him.
If you're reading this, treasure all the people in your life. Treasure all the moments together and always tell the people you love you love them. If you've lost someone suddenly I'm sure you can relate how hard it is and you're not alone. If you've gone through it, I feel your pain and it sucks but it will eventually get better. I've definitely grown into a stronger person but it's still hard. I tried being strong so I could be there for my mom, sister, brother and the rest of my family. Sometimes life is gonna throw curveballs at you and you just have to move on. Serious shout out to all of the people who have been there for us throughout the years, we would not be where we are without your support and to all the friends I've vented to or cried on- love you all, THANK YOU!
I've tried to stop understanding why it happened to him and our family. I just have to accept it and remember the good times. Everything happens for a reason and it's definitely reassuring that he died doing something he absolutely loved - coaching. Time heals all wounds. I love you and I miss you dad, glad I got to spend the 12 years with you I did and I hope I'm making you proud.
(Top left features the pink shorts and Dad shirt I was talking about) he. he.
