Having worked in a restaurant setting and been a waitress for five years of my life, I have grown to understand the inner workings of the business. It is my personal opinion that everybody should work in a restaurant at some point in their lifetime. Not only is it one of the hardest jobs you will ever have, but you will learn more about customer service, customer etiquette, and dealing with difficult people than you will anywhere else. Here are a few tips on becoming a more respectful restaurant patron, all based on experience. Bon appétit!

1. When planning on dining in a restaurant with a party of seven or more people, allow at least 24 hours for the restaurant to plan accordingly.

What not to do: Walk into a restaurant in the middle of the lunch or dinner rush (11:30-1:30 for lunch, 5:00-7:30 for dinner), or at any time for that matter, and say “Hi, we have 25 people” and expect to be seated at all, let alone together.

2. When you come into a restaurant, do not ask for a booth or a specific type of table unless you, one, absolutely need one or, two, nobody else is in the restaurant.

The majority of restaurants work off of a rotating seating chart, meaning that, by asking for a table not currently in the rotation, you screw everything up and at least one server may not get a table for another 25 minutes or so, even though it is their turn to receive one. If there is only one server in the restaurant who has booths in his/her section, they may also get sat two or three times in a row, which is hell, especially when the restaurant is busy.

3. When you sit down and are greeted by the server, it is courteous to inform the waiter/waitress of how many checks will be in your party.

Servers will almost always assume that the meal is on one check unless they are told otherwise. It is much, much easier for the server to divide the checks ahead of time than to separate them when everyone has had eight different beers and plans on splitting five appetizers (by the way, at this point in the meal, even the best servers will not remember who ordered what).

4. When ordering in a restaurant, do your best to order from the menu that is set in front of you.

If you need to make modifications to an order, try to keep it simple by eliminating/substituting one or two things maximum from the menu item.

What not to do: Order a Chicken Jalapeño Ranch BLT without jalapeño, ranch, bacon, or lettuce. This is a sandwich with chicken and tomato. This is completely ridiculous. Stop wasting everybody’s time by going off-book and confusing your server and just order something you know you will eat as is.

Pro tip: The more you modify an order, the longer it takes to cook. In most restaurants, a special order is put into a specific pile and not given the same priority as pre-made or standard prepared dishes.

5. If it can be prevented, try to avoid stopping your waiter or waitress as they are walking past your table on their way to the kitchen.

They are almost always on a mission or trying not to forget something, so adding the fact that you want three new beers and some ketchup is not only overwhelming, it will more than likely be forgotten immediately.

6. When finished dining in a restaurant, as much as you would like to sit there and chat for eight hours and not cash out, don’t.

Usually, managers divide the restaurant into sections and servers are responsible for waiting on tables in their section. If you take up a table in their section for more than the time it takes you to eat, that server could have turned over multiple tables in the time it takes you to camp out and gossip. You are wasting their time and they are losing money. When you are through eating and the table has been cleared, go ahead and ask for a check, even if you don’t plan on leaving right away. Many restaurants will allow servers to wait on tables outside of their section as long as all of their checks are closed. Your server will appreciate you and value you much more as a customer if you are respectful of their time.

7. Be respectful to your server.

When you eat at a restaurant, a good majority of the waitstaff are employed at that establishment full-time, and often times, servers who work part-time are employed at two or three other places to make ends meet. Make their job as easy as you can by being pleasant, polite, and keeping things as simple as possible. Contrary to popular belief, they are not there to wait on you hand and foot. They are there to take your order, bring you your food and drinks with a smile, and that is all.

Please don’t adopt the delusion in which you believe that it is their job to do whatever you want, no matter how impolitely or drunkenly you may ask them. Be respectful of the fact that they may have been working since 10:30 that morning so no, you should not wait to cash out until 2 a.m., and no, this does not give you the right to be a complete a-hole. By the way, nine times out of ten, servers CAN’T LEAVE for the night until all of their checks have been closed, so deciding to squat even when you are through dining is just rude.

8. TIPPING: Perhaps the most important aspect of being a respectful diner is to tip your waiter properly.

Most people are surprised to learn that servers do not earn minimum wage. Most servers earn a wage of around $3-5 an hour depending on the restaurant and the state in which they are employed.

They make their LIVING off of your tips. Twenty percent to 25 percent IS STANDARD AND ACCEPTABLE.

Some restaurants have what is called gratuity, basically meaning that if your party is over a certain number of people and paying with one check, you are automatically charged with a 12 percent to 15 percent built-in tip. Waiting on large parties is HARD WORK, so many servers appreciate a tip on top of the automatically added gratuity.

Keep in mind: If you are part of a party and plan on paying on separate checks, you are no longer charged with the gratuity so please, please, please tip your server.

Things that justify a tip lower than 20 percent

Messing up your order (severely): this is annoying and inconvenient but servers are people too, they make mistakes. Ideally your waiter would get every single order exactly correct, but it doesn’t always happen. Be mindful of this, as well as all they have going on, and only reflect it in their tip if they mess up your order to the point where the food is inedible or just plain wrong.

For example, if you order a burger with no lettuce and receive one with lettuce, inform your server and politely take the lettuce off, do not ask for a new one and do not penalize your server for it. If your party orders three steaks all cooked medium rare and they come back totally fried, that is not as small of a mistake and depending on how your server addresses the issue, may be an acceptable excuse for a decreased tip.

Waiting for food longer than 35 minutes. Most restaurants, even at their busiest, have a 30 to 35 minute limit on how long a ticket can wait in the kitchen window. If food has surpassed this time restriction there was more than likely a server error and you may, if you so choose, decrease the tip as a result.

Spilling or dropping food ON YOU. Spills happen and happen often in restaurants. When a waiter is expected to carry four plates of hot food at once, carrying and balancing can be difficult. If they drop your food on the way to the table, you have a reason to be mad, just not AT THEM. Most servers will be completely apologetic and not only place a new order “on the fly” (meaning it becomes the kitchen’s number one priority) but most restaurants will cover the cost of the food. However, if a waiter spills drinks or food on you, which also happens but less frequently, you may feel the need to reflect this in his or her tip. While this is unfortunate for the server, it is expected from them whenever something like this happens.

Neglect. We have all had the server who NEVER comes to the table. This is so beyond infuriating as a customer, especially if you are in a rush. If you are not greeted, as in “Hi welcome to ___________, my name is ________, what can I get started for you?," within five minutes of sitting down, feel free to inform the hostess or another staff member. Most restaurants have a “45 second rule” meaning that within 45 seconds of being seated, a table must be greeted. If more than 15 minutes has passed, even after you order, and your server has not been to your table, do not continue to wait. Please inform the restaurant. As a general rule of thumb, if you have NOT SEEN your waiter in more than 15 minutes, and you have to flag down another server to get what you need, it is fair to reflect on this when tipping once the check comes.

What not to do

NEVER tip lower than 10 percent. There is hardly ever, ever, ever, EVER, justification for completely stiffing a server. Unless the server has messed up everything in your order, personally harmed you or placed your life in danger (for instance, serving you food which you have informed them you are allergic to), or deeply offended you, it is a complete slap in the face to tip them nothing. If you sit there for an hour and a half and leave no money, that was an absolute waste of time for your server and is completely disrespectful.

NEVER tip vindictively. If you have had a bad day, are going through a breakup, or are just feeling pissy, please don’t reflect this in your server’s tip. There is no reason that someone who is paid by you to assist you should suffer the consequences of something that has nothing to do with them.

If you order nothing but alcohol, NEVER tip less than 20 percent. Tables who order only drinks are a constant frustration for servers because while alcohol adds up, food is what brings in the real money, thus assuring them a larger payoff in the end. If you plan on only drinking, out of courtesy, ESPECIALLY if you plan on getting drunk and boisterous, automatically tip them 20 percent so you don’t completely waste their time.

If you plan on leaving your digits for your waiter or waitress, NEVER tip them less than the recommended 20 percent or 25 percent. Not only is this dimwittedly assuming that they were so smitten with you that even if you leave them a two dollar tip on a 65 dollar tab, they will call you anyway, it is also assuming that your waiter or waitress, who is there to earn a living, is there to pick up guys/girls, not to mention guys/girls who are shitty tippers.