Alas, another season of The Bachelor is finally upon us.
(Cue a bombardment of heart eye and rose emojis from your girlfriend every Monday for the next 9 weeks. Because she "literally cannot" explain to you in words just how much she already loves Danielle M.)
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Lucky for critics, viewers, and Bachelor superfans alike, season 21 is already off to a really dramatic start (probably to make up for the lack of drama post-Chad Johnson during JoJo’s season last year).
It hasn’t taken more than two episodes for everyone to realize that this season’s bachelor Nick Viall has got himself quite the heaping handful of women (see: Corinne, who has a nanny and literally DGAF, and Liz, who, in case you missed it, has definitely met Nick before – probably 9 months ago, at Jade and Tanner’s wedding, where sex may have been involved, but I could be wrong).
Oh, and when I say “heaping handful of women”, I don’t just mean a heaping handful of personality, sass, and tasteful side-eye any time another girl gets “their time” with Nick. I mean a literal heaping handful of women. Like, an overflowing handful. AKA: 30 women instead of the normal 26.
Yeah. You heard that right.
But the fact that this season has gifted Mr. Viall with an unprecedented number of eligible bachelorettes certainly hasn’t stopped them from delivering the most classic of lines in just the first two weeks.
You know, the lines that we hear season after season and can’t help but mumble to ourselves, “Said every Bachelor contestant, ever” every single time.
1. “I can definitely see myself with [Nick].”
A famous first-night line. Sometimes I also say that when I’ve known a cute single man for approximately 2 hours. Because I’m reasonable. Just like all 26 30 of you.
2. “Can I steal you?”
I don’t know Corinne, can you? I don’t think a family-friendly television network is going to be too crazy about promoting theft, but go ahead, steal him. Do it. I can assure you Taylor will be okay, and she definitely won’t think there’s a “situation”.
3. “OMG, a date card?!”
As if you didn’t know it was coming. That’s all this show is, really – roses, unlimited free champagne, and date cards. Life tip: Next time, try reading the job description before you sign up for the interview.
4. “I don’t think she’s here for the right reasons.”
A personal favorite of mine (as if each contestant is perfectly adept at reading the intentions of every other person in the mansion). Also one that somehow always seems to be conveniently followed by…
5. “We’re all here for the same reason.”
So… you’re all here for the wrong reason then? Got it.
6. “I don’t want to be blindsided.”
In case you forgot, you and 20-something other women are all dating the same guy. You’re probably going to be blindsided at some point.
7. “This wasn’t supposed to be this hard.”
Yeah, last time I had 25 well-dressed single men throw themselves at me, all I could think about was how difficult it was.
8. “I had sex with Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding 9 months ago.”
Just kidding. You (hopefully) haven’t heard this one on every other season of the Bachelor, but you’ve definitely heard Liz say it more times than you’re comfortable with if you’ve watched any part of this season so far. TBD on the results of Liz’s pregnancy DNA test. Just kidding. I hope.
I like to think that Nick will finally find love this time around. I mean, the guy’s been rejected on national television 3 times now. And given that the entirety of Bachelor nation has definitely not been #TeamNick for the last 3 years, I think he deserves this one.
As long as it’s not Corinne. But, I digress.
