8 Things You're Saying While Watching The Bachelor | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Entertainment

8 Things You're Saying While Watching The Bachelor

"Did you see last week's episode? It was crazy."

10
8 Things You're Saying While Watching The Bachelor
breathecast

Alright, ladies...Monday nights...you know what that means. A new episode of The Bachelor, each new week filled with more drama, tears, and drinks than the last. If you're like me, a solid half of you finds the entirety of the enterprise to be garbage, but the other half is you is purely intrigued. So, ultimately, I find myself impatiently waiting for each new Monday night premiere. But here's what goes through my head during a typical, two-hour show.

1. "I'm too sober for this. I need a glass of wine before this starts."

Enough said.

2. "How does Olivia's face actually do that thing...where like...it's just so wide??"

No, really though. Olivia's face never fails to kill me. And even when I expect her to make weird faces, she goes and makes ANOTHER weird face that just blows my mind. Highest point of comedy in every episode.

3. "How could these women possibly become such good friends with other women they secretly want to kill? I would not be trying to make BFF's."


Everyone says they come on the show to meet their husband, not to make friends. However, if you look at any current Instagram account of a Bachelor contestant, all they're doing is posting pictures with the friends they made from being on it. Every. Single. Season. But honestly, if a girl really isn't there to make friends, all the other girls think she's a bitch. Like Lace, above. It's all a part of the competition. You have to kill your enemies with kindness, so that you can win a husband. Yes.

4. "I would be too socially awkward for this show. No, seriously."


For instance, I would have been the one with the unicorn mask stepping out of the limo. I'm seriously far too weird to ever consider being on this show. The women on The Bachelor were probably prom queens, sorority social chairs, and class presidents. They're outrageously sweet, not sarcastic, and ready to smile and laugh at anyone. AKA....I just kind of laugh due to their ridiculous sweetness. Maybe I'm just too bitchy. I don't know.

5. "Are you kidding me? Who gets to go on dates like this? It's a hot tub IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE."


In no real situation ever would I find myself going on a date like this. Helicopters, hot-air balloons, just the craziest things. All for a man who's dating 25 women at one time. So. Freaking. Romantic. Ladies, I don't know about you...but what about a road trip date? Or an amusement park? What about Netflix & Chill? I'd rather fall in love in a realistic way. Not so showy. I don't need a hot tub in the valleys of Cali.

6. "They're literally....so stupid."

Like, on a very real note, if I were the Bachelorette, I would mandate that every one of my contestants has a college degree. Not against people that don't have one, but that's what I want in a guy. Turns out, however, that there's no educational requirement for auditioning for the Bachelor. There is, however, a very intense STD exam, and a psych exam to confirm that a potential contestant isn't mentally insane. True, necessary, but...don't you want to make sure your wife knows AMERICAN GEOGRAPHY? C'mon, Ben.

7. "Who can actually afford all of these clothes?"

With all the cute rompers, ball gowns, and shoes, we might wonder: who the hell can actually afford to look this cute on the Bachelor? It's not a crazy question, however, Olivia might be lying according to professionals. Previous contestants have confirmed spending an easy 10 grand on their clothes, because even if a contestant is sent home the first night, she will still need ten weeks of casual clothes, formal wear, AND clothes for any destination-- from tropical paradise to glaciers. Cashing out 401k's and re-mortgaging houses are common....just to look good. Crazy.

8. "Is this real true love?"

This is a question I still don't know the answer to. More successful marriages have come from The Biggest Loser than The Bachelor, so I'm inclined to think that the love isn't successful when spurred from a reality TV show. Still, I'm somewhat a hopeless romantic...and I want to believe that this season will be the season where Ben finds real love. I'll be waiting and watching, regardless.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

11 Confessions Of A Sleep-A-Holic

If your plans get cancelled, there is a 99.9% percent chance you are sleeping.

195
woman lying on bed
Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash

1. What are some of your hobbies? Does sleep count?

I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed

Keep Reading...Show less
one tree hill
Wikipedia Commons

If you need a new series to watch, I recommend One Tree Hill. I watched this series three times now and it only keeps getting better. If you need any more reasons beside the fact that all of the seasons are on Netflix for your binge-watching pleasure, here are seven more reasons to watch it.

Keep Reading...Show less
University of Mount Olive
University of Mount Olive

College is the most exciting time of a person's life. It really is. Exciting is not always a positive feeling though. Excited is a feeling that can be associated with nervousness, anxiety and more. Here are some real tips for college freshman that go beyond the typical, "Go to class," lecture.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

The 5 Pros and Cons Of Long Distance Friendships

Being friends with someone thousands of miles away has its drawbacks and perks.

1236
friends on the beach

True friendship is incredibly rare, and to find a friend that will be there for you through all of life's curveballs is something quite unique. To add distance into the equation, maintaining a real, true friendship can be a struggle. There are good and bad parts that come with long distance friendship.

Keep Reading...Show less
high school girls
Tori Horne

Friendship. It's defined as the state of being attached to another person by feelings of affection or personal regard, but what really is friendship? Is it that occasional hallway talk with that one person who always manages to cheer you up? Is it that relationship you have with someone where they can be gone for a long period of time, but when they come back, it's like they never left? Is it spending every waking hour with someone, and knowing every detail about their life? Is it the relationship that's filled with fighting, but filled with even more resolution? I've learned that it's all of these things, and every friendship is different. It's a beautifully dysfunctional mess that should always be cherished and never be taken for granted.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments