Before I had kids, I had this beautiful image in my head of the kind of mother I would be. My house would be pristine. My children would play quietly and happily together before cleaning up their own messes and moving on to the next activity. Not only would I host stellar play dates and Pinterest-level expert dinner parties, I'd accomplish everything on my to-do list and still have energy to turn mason jars into festive wall decor before curling up in bed (with freshly-washed sheets) next to my husband to read the newest Stephen King novel.

How sweet. The reality of having two kids is a little different than I imagined. Shocking, I know. And while most days I feel like I have my shit together, there are other days where I'm reminded of how many different types of moms there are: Hands on, hands off, buttoned up, free falling, organized, spontaneous - but in spite of all of these differences, most of us have this idea in our heads of what "good mother behavior" is. There are certain rules that we know we should follow; let's call them The Mom Code of Good Motherly Behavior. They may be unwritten, but that doesn't make them any less real - and sometimes it is challenging to stick to them. Maybe I'm not the only one who breaks the following.

1. Swearing.

This has to be number one because I am guilty of this all the time. I've always cursed like a sailor. I remember asking my dad on the way home from school one day if douchebag was a bad word. I know that I shouldn't curse. I know children are little sponges who soak up everything; (Imagine my mixed look of surprised humor when my three-year-old daughter shouted her first "JESUS CHRIST!" and I had to explain to her that we don't say things like that). But I'll be damned if I don't utter a ladylike "SHIT SHIT SHIT" at least three times a day in casual conversation. I try my hardest not to let the kids hear, but you've been warned that I can't always be trusted to shut the fuck up.

2. Listening to "Adult Music"

I know plenty of parents who only listen to Kids Bop 437 (side note, is Kids with an S or a Z? Who knows. Who cares). I am not one of them. My husband frequently accuses me of having a 90s vibe in my car because it's not hooked up to an iPad or playlist. I am a radio station flipper - maybe a CD shuffler on an off day - and my kids' taste in music reflects this. While they know the words to "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Row Row Row Your Boat," they are just as likely to belt out Shawn Mendez's "Mercy" or Adele's "Water under the Bridge." My one-year-old son adds in the "na na nas" on Justin Bieber's "Let Me Love You." And unfortunately for the Mom Code, I still laugh when I think about my daughter singing "BANANA NIGHT" with her whole toddler heart when Ariana Grande and Nikki Minaj's "Side to Side" came on one day. Whoops.

3. Forgetting to RSVP

This one I genuinely feel bad about. I used to be so on top of my social commitments. I have the start of our family "command center" to keep track of important things. And I know I should RSVP to invitations as soon as they come in; that's what the organization clause of the Mom Code calls for. Then three days will pass, the invite will get shuffled to the bottom of the bill pile, and before I realize it, the deadline has come and gone, and I'm that asshole parent that didn't respond at all.

4. Bringing munchkins to the play date

I totally get the need for healthy snacks. We don't typically keep juice in the house. My kids love fresh fruit and vegetables as part of their daily routine (my daughter should have turned into a tomato by now for how many she eats in one sitting). But for some unknown reason, if I'm required to bring something to a play date or party, I always seem to be the one who brings the Dunkin Donuts instead of the organic, non-GMO, raisin and oat and flax seed cluster snack bites. This is not a knock on the parents who readily have these things available. I admire you for providing these tasty treats to our kids. I apologize for the sugar high that undoubtedly comes with 25 chocolate munchkins.

5. Keeping a clean car

Ask any of my friends, my cars have always been more of an episode of Hoarders: Vehicle Edition than anything else. At any given time, you can find at least three full changes of clothes, seven pairs of shoes, two bags, an entire stationary store, the clearance section of FYE, 14 books, and the remnants of six Starbucks croissants stuffed into empty venti cups. I envy the mothers with toy organizers and cereal holders-turned-garbage bins. I know giving kids snacks in the car is undoubtedly going to be messy, and yet I find crumbs to be a given rather than a once-in-a-while treat. Hello, my name is Mandy, and I suck at keeping the car clean.

6. Carrying a diaper bag

With as much stuff as I keep in the car, you'd think that I would never be unprepared for diaper blowouts or accidents. You would be wrong. I am notorious for using the diapers or wipes my husband so lovingly packs for us and forgetting to replace them. This is why both children have had to wear diapers two sizes too small for the ride home from the park or store. Some day I'll get better at this, but by then, they'll probably be fully potty trained.

7. Installing designated child-proofing mechanisms

When my daughter was first starting to get mobile, we constantly talked about child proofing the house. We bought a starter kit, plugged up all of the electrical outlets, attempted to foam guard sharp corners - the whole shebang. But she never cared to go into the cabinets or open closed doors. Enter my son, the infamous Trouble Maker McHugh. If he knows he's not supposed to do it, he's going to do it. He wants to climb in the dryer, close doors on his fingers, jump off couches, and smash nail polish bottles into the floor as hard as he can. He is the reason child proofing was invented. But instead of screwing safety latches into cabinets and giant plastic handles on door knobs, I find myself using what we already have to blockade off-limit areas. Don't get me wrong - I'm still diligent about picking up small scrumptious-looking toys and keeping breakable things out of reach - but sometimes it's so much easier to wrap hair ties around cabinet doors.

8. Documenting the messes

I know we've all become accustomed to the picture-perfect Instagram moments, but I love taking pictures of my mom fails. I think it's necessary to talk about how messy and imperfect mom life can be. My daughter got in my purse and colored all over her face with my lipstick? Photo op. My son knocked an entire dinner plate off the table and butt-smushed it into the floor? Priceless. Maybe it's because I don't have very many pictures from my own childhood, but I am that mom that takes pictures of EVERYTHING. Tantrums or messes, holidays or pajama parties - I have taken pictures of my children every single day of their lives. I have no shame.

It should be said at this point that I truly appreciate the Mom Code of Motherly Behavior, but being a good mother is about finding a system that works for you. Parenting is not some One Size Fits All equation. It is hard, ever changing, and sometimes there is not one right answer. If at the end of the day, your kids are happy, healthy, and thriving, you are a good parent. A little spilled confectioner's sugar never hurt anyone.