Anxiety, by definition, is “an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure, sweating, trembling, or dizziness” (American Psychological Association). Anxiety and nervousness are different, contrary to popular belief, and unless you struggle with anxiety or a loved one struggles with anxiety, you might not be able to fully comprehend this, and that’s okay. I just want people to understand that anxiety is not made up. It’s something very real that a lot of people suffer from and are told they’re just overreacting or that they just want attention. This is false. People who struggle with anxiety are still people. Anxiety is very real and it can affect anyone. I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder in January of 2017 and I can honestly say that one of the first things I thought about is how people would look at me differently and treat me differently. I’m still the same person as I was. Struggling with anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a difficult thing to deal with and manage. The people around someone who struggles with anxiety may not understand what the person is going through or why the person feels the way they do or reacts a certain way in different circumstances. I want to help people understand things better from the point of view of the person who has anxiety so that they can better understand how we process and how we think. Hopefully this helps someone, somewhere.

Here are eight things that people like me, who do struggle with anxiety, want you to know:

1. Just because we act like we have it all together in public does not mean we actually have it all together.

A lot of times we just smile and say we’re good, but internally we’re dealing with so much we can’t even comprehend it all. A lot of the suffering we go through is in silence or in a place we can be alone because we don’t want to be a burden to other people. We can be good at playing the game of “everything is fine” because we’ve done it before and we know how to make you believe it.

2. The more you hover over us, the faster you will push us away and you’ll make us feel like we can’t be treated normally.

Do not hover. Please. Don’t treat us any different just because we have anxiety. Don’t act like we are so fragile and can be broken at any moment. We are strong, so don’t treat us like we aren’t. Don’t constantly ask how we are doing, don’t act like you know what we feel if you don’t. Don’t generalize us with everyone else who has anxiety because everyone is different in the ways they react to the anxiety. Treat us like anybody else, please.

3. Most of the time, you won’t know we’re having anxiety unless we tell you.

We can be good at hiding how our anxiety affects us. We won’t tell you a lot of the time because we don’t want to be a burden. Our anxiety can come up anywhere, anytime, and a lot of the time we keep it to ourselves.

4. Just because our anxiety is irrational to you or you don’t understand does not mean it isn’t real for us.

Our anxiety can be about literally anything. Just because what we feel anxiety over doesn’t qualify as a reason to have anxiety for you, for us it’s a very real thing. Anxiety doesn’t have to have a reason, it can be about anything, anytime, for any reason. If you try to tell us to just snap out of it or that it’s nothing to be worried about that just makes us feel like you don’t believe us, and that hurts. What we feel anxiety over is real for us, even if it is irrational or doesn’t make sense to you.

5. We don’t use anxiety as an excuse.

Anxiety isn’t an excuse, but some things like panic attacks or exhaustion can hinder our abilities to be able to do the things we want or even the things we love. We need the people we are around to be able to understand when we need a break or when we are just exhausted and can’t handle doing the simple things sometimes. We need to be able to take a step back and take care of our mental health first, and that shouldn’t be looked down upon.

6. Our anxiety affects us as a whole; not just mentally, but physically and emotionally as well.

Mentally, the anxiety is there and most of the time it is constant (unless like me, you take medication to help that). Our anxiety may not just tire us out mentally though. Anxiety can take a physical toll in the form of panic attacks, heart palpitations, etc. It can also take an emotional toll on us because it can be difficult to explain to other people how you are feeling and when the person tells you to just get over it, that makes it that much more difficult. Anxiety affects every aspect of a person. It’s important for the people we are surrounded by to understand that it’s not just one part of our lives, it can be in everything we do.

7. We appreciate the people who try to help us when we panic and the people just listen to us and try to understand what we are going through.

What helps more than some people will ever know is when someone a person with anxiety is close with attempts to help us through a panic attack or offers to listen to us. Even if they won’t understand what all we are going through they will at least try to sympathize with us, and there is no better feeling than when someone is there for you. It can be difficult if you don’t understand or know how to help or listen, but have the tough conversation and ask how you can help or what you can do.

8. Our anxiety does not define who we are.

Just because a person struggles with anxiety does not mean that defines them. We are more than our anxiety. We are real people, and we are not to be defined by our anxiety. Sure, our anxiety is a part of us but it isn’t who we are as a person. We are more than what we struggle with.