They are there for you all hours of the night, they’re not too pricey, and sometimes they can even be more reliable than a suburban mom carpool. That’s right, the unsung heroes of the Providence community, Uber drivers. Being stuck in a stranger’s car for an undetermined amount of time leads to peculiar interactions and priceless life advice. Here’s what I’ve learned from our local super heroes:
1. One-way street signs are wildly irrelevant (especially on Thayer Street).
2. Lamar Odom was a URI basketball star.
Lammy, if you are reading this, your freshman year roommate is doing well! He drives for Uber and tells everyone he drives that you “married the craziest Kardashian” but that you guys are still best friends.3. If you ask nicely, chances are your Uber driver will stop by a McDonald's after a night out.
Only if you promise to treat.
4. Sober Uber rides are incredibly uncomfortable.
Stay away.
5. “Men are never to be trusted. Also, after you’ve been married for 40 years, there is no point in getting a divorce.”
Personal experience?
6. If you’re lucky, your Uber driver may have a very eclectic taste in music, and they’ll open your eyes to some of the obscurities the music world has to offer.
For example, modern pan flute music.
7. Just because your Uber driver seems to be a nice, normal guy does not mean he won’t offer to take you with him to the Foxy Lady.
Needless to say, please never accept this offer.
8. DJ Pauly D from "The Jersey Shore" is not the real DJ Pauly D. He stole his name from a part-time Providence Uber driver, part-time DJ whose performing name is OG Pauly D.
There is still some unresolved tension.
Not only do the Uber drivers in the Providence area heroically get us from place to place safely, but they also share indispensable life lessons.