As I’m writing this, tomorrow is my 21^st birthday. I’ve never written a list before, but I wanted to share things I’ve learned before reaching 21. So, here they are!

1. It’s okay to lean on others for support. I’m not someone who typically asks others for help, but my partner has changed my life by being all the support I need when I’m troubled. And I know I’d let loved ones depend on me for support during their difficult times, so there’s no shame in saying that I need help with something.

2. There are people who say they need to find themselves before they can be with their partner, or say you should know yourself before you enter a relationship. I say, this advice is garbage. I was 16 when I started dating my partner, and does anyone know exactly who they are at 16? At 18? At 21? No. I don’t think there’s an age where it’s possible to know exactly who you are. We’re human, and we change all the time. You can try to figure out who you are as long as you like, but don’t limit yourself by waiting to feel complete before you find someone to love you. You may even find that another person is what makes you feel most complete.

3. People should be allowed to love whomever they please without fearing judgment or consequence. So long as two people are respectful of each other’s decision, relationships of any gender or sex are personal, emotional, and just as worthy of being granted the privilege of marriage as any male and female couple.

4. Sex is amazing and poorly discussed to adolescents. When I first learned about it, in my head it was merely a basic action between a man and a woman. It remained that way in my head for a very long time. I didn’t know that human bodies could be moved in physical and emotional ways that lead to glowing pleasure. Maybe that’s something adults expect kids to figure out on their own. But assuming kids enter a relationship where they have a greedy partner, there will be a negative sexual experience for one and neither of them may be aware. Just saying that it’s possible for all bodies to feel really, really good with someone else is a start that could help that sort of situation.

5. Feminism is not a bad thing. There are people who do bad things and claim them to be feminist actions, but the larger picture reveals feminism to be advocacy for equality of women and other minority groups. Women, men, and all genders in between, nobody should be scared to call themselves feminist.

6. Don’t skip breakfast.

7. Most people aren’t bad people.

8. I will never make fun of someone for being unintelligent in the ways I am intelligent because I’m certain they have intelligence of which I know nothing.