Those beautiful crisp autumn leaves flood the landscape with nature's last colorful hurrah before the Christmas-lights-clad winter approaches. The cool breeze sends goosebumps up your arms and you pull your plaid scarf and flannel shirt closer to your skin and blow lightly on your pumpkin spice latte before sipping blissfully and enjoying the coziness that is fall. How lovely, how comfy...

How not Wilmington.

What cool breeze? There's only humidity and rain here.

What comfy flannel and warm plaid scarf? What the heck are you trying to do? Sweat yourself out like you're at a sauna? It's 80 degrees out there, you ninny!

Welcome to a beach town, where autumn lasts maybe a day at the end of November and then it's straight to freezing rain and chilled ocean breezes until March. Then it'll be blistering-hot summer again.

1. The "First Day of Autumn" on the calendar means nothing in terms of weather.

Seriously. On Thursday, September 22, the weather was 78 degrees with 85 percent humidity and rain. Lots of rain. It was interesting because 78 degrees was actually kind of cool for a beach town.

2. You're vehemently in denial that it's still warm out.

I don't care. I've got all these cute fall clothes, and I'm going to wear them, dang it.

3. You want a pumpkin spice latte but it's so hot that people ask if you want it iced. And all your warm, comfy fall dreams are dashed.

The monsters. Don't they see your scarf and boots? Can they not tell that you are channeling the fall weather in spite of the 80-degree heat?

4. The nearest apple orchard is at least four hours away.

I just want to pick apples with my significant other or my roommates and wear cute fall clothes and bake apple pie and drink apple cider and get apple drunk -- is that too much to ask?

5. Fall = more bugs, not fewer bugs.

It's still warm and humid and they got nowhere to be. Except maybe you're house.

6. It's just so freaking warm and gross that you feel like you live in a humidifier.

Am I underwater right now or just outside?

7. For real. I have simple dreams: warm clothes and cooler weather.

My complaint is broken up for emphasis.

8. Even the ocean feels like grossly warm bath water.

Nothing can soothe the burn of the sun and the absence of true fall...

9. At least you can have those cool bonfires at the beach!

For all my fall-lovers out there, just be patient.

Someday my Prince Autumn will come...