Today, pretty much everyone has a Twitter account or a Facebook profile. This can be great, especially when you can easily share funny videos with friends or stay in contact with family members that live far away. Social media was designed to be positive, but oftentimes it is used for negative interactions. Here is my list of the top 8 crimes committed on social media. As a disclaimer, this article is intended for humorous purposes only and is not directed at any particular individual- instead, it is meant to poke fun at social media as a whole.
1. Maternity photos
I’m so glad you and your partner are happy and expecting!! Here’s the deal though. Maternity photo shoots need to go. Announcing your pregnancy in some new and fantastically clever way has become such a tired trend that almost every good idea has been used already. Also, there are countless gender roles infused in many pregnancy announcements, like the classic “mom showing pregnant stomach” and “dad showing fat belly.” Anyway, congrats on the baby. Maybe just text your loved ones next time.
2. Sharing clickbait
This one’s for you, middle-aged women. Before you share and comment on articles about how eating bread can cause your fingers to fall off and how your doorknob is covered in all the world’s germs, try and actually read the article first. Clickbait is a more recent trend on social media and it needs to stop. Misinformation is spread at ridiculous rates and can cause a total outbreak of ignorance. Check your facts, read from reputable sources and don’t share what you haven’t checked for credibility.
3. A fitness journey
If you’re going to choose to better yourself and make amends in your life, that’s great! However, this is a journey for you and not for your 800 followers on Instagram. If posting your progress is ideal, make a separate account and go from there. I really support any choices you make to be more healthy, but I don’t need to see your shirtless gym selfies.
4. Live from the hospital bed
Hey man, hospital visits are expensive and scary and usually no joke. Your “drunken incident” or “badass accident” that caused you to have an IV in your arm and a gross gown on your body, is really not that cool. Minimizing the severity of your situation by poking fun at something as serious as this is not funny, clever or cute. Think about the stress it causes your parents, and the wallet of whomever is paying for the visit. Also, doctors, nurses and most hospital staff work tirelessly for hours straight and shouldn't have to deal with your nonsense.
5. Flex pics
Congrats on your promotion or your inheritance or whatever has allowed you to come into this grand sum of money. I’m glad you’ve got a Rolex, and a new Mercedes Benz and some fancy shoes. However, your constant Snapchat stories showing off all your goodies are obnoxious and a little gratuitous. We all love to share our goods on social media, but the bratty fashion in which we present these goods needs to stop.
6. Sponsored posts
Everyone is an Instagram model these days, apparently. Another way to “sell” yourself on social media is through sponsored posts. Again, I didn’t follow you to see you promote some product you’ve never used. Even when Kendall and Kylie pull this crap, I don’t buy it (literally and figuratively). You’re not Instagram famous and subjecting yourself to product placement for a little extra cash is sad.
7. Makeup tutorial
Another reminder, I didn't follow you on Instagram to hear about the new highlighter or lip plumper I need to buy. Make a Youtube channel and promote your love of glitter and lipstick elsewhere, but I'd rather now be taught how to contour or be recommended products that I know darn well I can’t afford. I shop at Target for my makeup, and I’m perfectly content with my lightweight bb cream and cheap mascara. Maybe you should be too.
