A couple of days ago, out of curiosity, I took a quiz titled, “Are You Too Hard on Yourself?” The results came back showing that my self-blame score was 100/100, which means that I am more likely to hold myself accountable for my failures and shortcomings. I realized that this random online quiz wasn’t wrong: it does feel like I am constantly diminishing my own accomplishments. I bashfully turn away from compliments because some part of me thinks I don’t deserve it. I’m also probably stressing about a mistake I made back in 2007. So, this is for people like me: the self-critics, the overthinkers, and the overemotional. If you relate to any of these, you may need to cut yourself some serious slack.
1. Compliments make you incredibly uncomfortable.
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It could be any kind of compliment; “What a cute outfit!,” or, “You’re a really nice person!” Any and all nice words pointed in your direction turn you into a blushing, frazzled mess. Why? Because you don’t think you deserve any attention, especially if it’s positive. You feel guilty when people take the time to notice you. But that really is a cute outfit and you deserve the praise every once in a while.
2. You accidentally upset a friend and suddenly you’re the worst person in the world.
We’ve all done it. A joke gets taken too far or you say/do something mean without realizing it. Either way, it was a total accident and now you regret the day you were born. Even when your friend says it’s okay, you are still consumed with guilt days later. I know it’s hard to accept, but everyone makes mistakes. Even you. You’re allowed to make mistakes. That’s called being a person.
3. You diminish your own accomplishments.
Any time something cool happens to you, your response is, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “A bunch of other people got the same thing.” Can you stop? We’ve already established that you’re uncomfortable being the center of attention, but I promise this is a big deal. You worked really hard for this and deserve the recognition.
4. You are your own worst critic.
You look in the mirror and would change everything you see. You constantly compare yourself to others. You put yourself down; “I should have done this, I could have done that, I’m just never going to be good enough.”
5. You have impossibly high expectations for yourself.
Didn’t get a 4.0 this semester? Didn’t immediately achieve your life long dreams? You weren’t perfect at something on the first try? None of this means you are a failure. If you set impossible goals that you know you can’t accomplish, you are going to disappoint yourself. If you set yourself up to fail, that’s what’s going to happen.
6. You overanalyze EVERYTHING.
“Okay, so at 11:56 a.m. he posted a picture on Instagram right after I posted a selfie at 11:55 a.m. so he clearly must have seen the selfie but he DIDN’T like it even though I liked his picture first so this must mean he hates me and I’ve clearly done something to offend him and his entire family therefore I am the worst and must bury my head in the sand for the rest of my life.”
7. You convince yourself that people hate you.
I promise that Ashley, who you haven’t spoken to since high school, does not hate you because you forgot to wish her grandma a happy birthday on Facebook.
8. You don’t know how to let things go.
You dwell on the small stuff. So what if you forgot to get your friend a coffee? Or that you didn’t say good morning to the mailman when you left for work? Things like this don’t determine whether or not you’re a good person. It’s not easy to accept and love yourself (warts and all) but these little mistakes are a part of you, and I think you’re pretty great.
