It’s summertime, which can only mean love is in the air. What better time to date than when the air is warm, sundresses are in style and flowers are blooming? Unfortunately for you, these warm summer months also mean the resurgence of the butterfly’s ugly cousin, and these little buggers are in the mood for romance. Before you dedicate yourself to a committed relationship, you probably need to check and make sure your new beau isn’t just a giant moth cleverly disguised in a trench coat.
1. He only goes out at night.
He rarely invites you out for a casual brunch or day-trip–and if he does, he requests it take place after the sun has set. While at first you might have accepted it as one of his endearing personality quirks, it’s definitely more likely that he’s just a giant moth man in disguise. (Or a vampire).
2. He's always on a liquid diet.
Speaking of brunch, whenever you two dine out together you’re the one doing all the eating. While you dig into your plate of French toast, he insists on sticking to that juice cleanse. He’s more likely to drink nectar straight from a flower instead of splitting that brownie sundae.
3. He doesn't speak English.
In fact, he doesn’t speak much at all. You thought he was the strong and silent type but instead, turns out he’s a moth. Instead of having deep, intellectual conversations, you two mostly communicate through strange cricket-esque noises and hand signals.
4. He never takes off his trench coat.
Even though he argues that he’s constantly cold, his defensiveness whenever you suggest he take off his jacket is definitely a red flag. He acts like you’re ridiculous for accusing he’s hiding something, but really, underneath this façade, his terrifying moth body is shaking with fear. He knows you’re onto him.
5. His only friends are moths.
Instead of hitting the bar with coworkers or college buddies, your boyfriend always invites the local moths over for a couple drinks.
It's normal for you to come home to a mini moth mixer after he invited in those pesky bugs always hanging around your front porch light.6. He is inexplicably drawn to lamps.
Have you found yourself constantly ignored in favor of your decorative sconces? If so, then your boyfriend might just be using you for your proximity to artificial light. If you’re constantly repeating yourself, find yourself spending a disproportionate of time lamp shopping, or see your boyfriend literally flying around your chandelier, then he’s probably a moth.
7. He has antennae.
Honestly, this one is entirely on you. Even if he managed to successfully hide his full-on bug body parts under a strategic trench coat and hat, his style choices should have already led you to kick him to the curb. Wearing a fedora is almost as bad as being a sentient, human-sized moth on the hunt for love.
8. He looks like a moth.
At the end of the day, it’s up to you to use your best judgement and sense of sight. Does he have wings? Does he have tiny bug arms sticking out of his sleeves? Does he just generally have a creepy demeanor? If so, then he’s probably a moth.
