You did it, you hit the send button. There is no way back. You start sweating. You call you BFF for her to read and approve that screenshot that consists only of your elaborate message: “Hi”. Hours go by, and still no answer. You can’t stop but think of all the reasons why he is not answering -- like, he doesn’t like you, or he fell asleep. But the truth is, there are tons of reasons why he is not replying to your emojis.
1. He fell off a cliff.
He was so into what you were writing that he didn’t pay attention to the road. He got excited when you said, “Netflix and chill?” that he gasped, fell off a cliff, and lost his phone in the process. C’mon, did you actually think I was going to be that cynical and say the guy died? No, no. Let’s not be that tragic, he just broke a rib.
2. He fell in love with the girl who sat across from him in Starbucks.
It was unavoidable. She sat across him at Starbs, sipping her caramel mocha frappuccino (which has no caffeine in it, I might add) while he was reading your text. They made eye contact, saw each other’s souls, and feel deeply in love. It is not that he freaked out when you told him you want to see the newest chick flick at the cinema -- because boys hate chick flicks -- is that he moved on. And so should you. On to the next!
3. He washed his phone along with his clothes.
You know, sometimes, boys don’t pay attention to things. Like the time you were mad and you said nothing was wrong but you could tell just by looking at your face that you were beyond pissed? Yet, he didn’t pay attention to the vein on your forehead that was about to explode. Yep, guys don’t pay attention. That's why he washed his phone in the washer machine when he was doing laundry. Let’s give him props because most likely he was thinking of you when he lost his phone along with those socks that are never coming back.
4. He doesn’t believe in technology anymore.
After sending each other tons of emojis and liking each other's Instagram pictures, he decided that instead of texting you, he would write letters. It’s like he is Noah and you are Allie (minus all the tragedy) and you just have to patiently wait until the mailman comes home for you to get that “Netflix and chill ;)” message. Whoever said romanticism was dead was wrong.
5. He was lifting and dropped the weights on his phone.
His frat bros kept sending him, “Do you even lift?” memes, so he decided to spend three hours at the gym every day. After he sent you a cute selfie, most likely a shirtless one -- please be a shirtless one -- he put his phone down and kept lifting. Silly him dropped a weight on his phone while he was thinking of which bitmoji to send next that he got distracted -- see reason three, and attention theory. The screen was broken. Shredded to pieces. So no more cute shirtless pictures of your crush at the gym.
6. He eloped with Starbucks lover.
And he doesn’t know how to break the news to you. You have given him multiple clues on marriage -- even if you are just freshmen in college -- and he feels awful he ran away with Starbs girl to a cute place like a chapel in Las Vegas, or something like that. He is not answering because he fears that this romantic act with Starbs girl will break your heart, so ghosting you is the best option.
7. He joined the circus.
For some reason, his talents were never appreciated. Who cares that he can play music with his nose? Apparently the traveling circus does! There is no reception in that massive tent, and that is why he doesn’t answer to your Snapchats or like your #foodiefriday picture.
8. He wanted to surprise you with delicious homemade Mexican food, and he rubbed his eyes with chili powder by mistake.
I know, you could have gone to Chipotle like normal people do. But no, he needed to be cute and romantic and screw over because he damaged his cornea. Now, you have no Mexican food, no Chipotle because it is closed, and no one to pay attention to you. What a night!
