"Why don't you just date a man? She's basically the same thing."

At first, I felt angry. I felt hurt. I felt insulted. and more than anything, this made me feel invalidated in my identity as a Lesbian. Was I less gay because my girlfriend wears mens clothes? Do people not take me seriously as a lesbian? Should I wear mens clothes?

This situation happens every day, and many times in the life of a lesbian... especially if she dates butch women. Here's the down and dirty on this situation, and why I prefer butch women.

1. The Chesticles

Yep. Boobs. Knockers. Tits. They still exist, even on a butch women. The better part is when she is taking off her tight sports bra and you know it's just for you. It's honestly just really sweet and leaves for a feeling of intimacy and trust.

2. Her Heart

She may be quiet and reserved, and she may look tough, and she may goof off sometimes, but her heart underneath that masculine demeanor is cute as a button and her soul is beautiful. She may come across as hard, mostly because of her wardrobe or physical appearance, but she will love you and hold you with everything she's got.

3. She makes me feel safe

Her strong arms and her protective and comforting demeanor makes me feel safe from the world. When she holds me, I feel like nothing in the world could touch me, because she is there and could protect me(Also, by the way, she can pick my big ass up, and that is impressive within its own right).

4. Emotional Intimacy

With me, she opens up about her innermost desires and problems. She talks me through things. She may be goofy around other people, but when it's time to be serious and talk about feelings, she's all about it. I am never shamed for having emotions, I am never invalidated. Mostly this is because she wants to talk about things too; she wants to talk about our feelings when there are problems.

5. She is STILL a Woman

And I'm not just talking about her body. As long as she identifies as a woman, she is still a woman. She still has a feminine soul, and she has that soft touch of a woman's hands. Her hair is so soft, and her heart is so warm and she is very nurturing and loving. She just has the feminine touch that you perhaps can't find in someone of another gender.

6. The Vagina.

Ahhh. Old faithful. The reason we are gathered here today. Yeah. Believe it or not, she still has one. And maybe some other time, I will write an article about how "vagina" is a totally acceptable word to use and not a curse word. Anyhow, the vagina, after all, is what I am sexually attracted to. All the rest is emotional attraction, which, by the way, also happens to be towards women for me. Go figure (not to say I wouldn't date a trans woman. My current girlfriend just happens to be my cup of tea).



7. I Still Get The "Boyfriend Hoodie" Experience

Yep. Shes still bigger than me, and even if she wasn't, mens' sizes run larger. She wears pretty pricey mens cologne and her hoodie always smells like her. I wear her clothes often. I can wear her shirt as a dress. I'm not missing out on that part of "manhood" because I have a woman who doesn't smell like diesel fuel, cigars, and axe. It's honestly really nice.


8. She's My Girl

At the end of the day, she's the one I go to bed with. She is the one I wake up to. She's the one who holds me when I have panic attacks. My family loves her. She's a blessing. Her smile is contagious. Sometimes when we go to restaurants, she sweeps the crumbs and straw wrappers into her hands and tosses them when we're done eating and looks at me like its the biggest secret. She has this terrible habit of standing outside the car after closing the door and staring until the interior light goes out, just to make sure the battery doesn't die. She pumps my gas for me. She opens doors for me. She doesn't have to do any of that, and I don't expect her to. She does it because she genuinely has a huge heart, and I'm in love with her. Why would I leave her for a man because it's the "same thing?" It clearly isn't. A man wouldn't be her. All I want is her.

Bottom line: My girlfriend is not a man. She is a woman, and she is human. Cut the lesbians some slack and let us be gay in our birkenstocks and flannel. The world doesn't revolve around men and what they want.

And all I want is her.