Over a month ago, I did something I never thought I would do. I committed myself to a guy. I wholeheartedly made a commitment to a guy...a few weeks before moving three hours away. For anyone who knows me, this is a big deal. Being with someone who lives a couple hundred miles away can be difficult. I was aware of this when I committed. Knowing how difficult it is, there are a few things that are terribly annoying to hear.
1. "Wow he lives three hours away? That's gotta be really hard on you guys."
You're right. It sucks. Day and night. How intuitive of you to understand this.
2. "How often do you guys talk to each other?"
"Do you even talk to each other?" No I never talk to him. We completely changed our routines during the time I've been away. He never stops working and I'm taking enough classes to fill up all twenty four hours of my day. It's crazy, I know.
Of course we talk. We text in the morning when we're both just getting up, we go back and forth between breaks in our days, and we FaceTime every now and then when he's not travelling. Sure, we don't talk as much as we did when we were together every day, every hour, but let's take a second to my meaningful texts compared to your casual, inconsistent "U up?" texts past midnight.
4. "How do you not cheat?"
Because I'm not a piece of shit.
5. "How does he not cheat?"
Because he's not a piece of shit.
6. "Do you worry that he's going to cheat?"
No because refer to number five.
7. "I would definitely cheat. I couldn't do it."
With that sort of mindset, you're probably right. If you think sexual intimacy is the foundation of a relationship, you probably can't even do a meaningful short distance relationship. I don't need five minutes (get real, that's all that guy at the bar is going to be able to give you) of fun to fulfill me. I have someone who's willing to sacrifice almost anything for me, so why would I screw with that?
8. "Okay but are you really in an actual relationship? Like, how can it be a relationship if you're never together?"
I didn't realize being together or being a part defined a relationship. I didn't know there was a correlation. I didn't know that you had to be with someone all the time to be considered mutually exclusive. I didn't know something built off of commitment, adoration, and discussion of what our future holds isn't a relationship. Honestly when people ask me this, it breaks my heart. It pains me to think that their relationships aren't defined the same way mine are. Being in a relationship is being someone's partner. It is being devoted to them and supporting their decisions, whether it's working a couple hours away or someone leaving for school a couple hundred miles away. It's about being open and honest. It's about telling them when you don't agree with their choices. Being in a relationship is having open dialogue and communication about everything.
My question is this: What relationship is stronger, one founded in trust, commitment, and the ability to survive distance? Or one made up of shitty sex on a Friday night in a dorm room, avoiding eye contact in the dining hall, and jealous arguments in the middle of a bar or party?
That's what I thought.
