We've all done it -- the late night trek across campus from a friend's room or party to the safety of our home sweet dorm. One of the best parts of this journey can be the people you encounter. Here's a list of the types of people you run into wandering around campus late at night, and how to deal with them.
1. The Girl Who Wants To Be Your BFF
This girl wants to be your BEST friend at 2 a.m. She's very friendly and bubbly, but when it's late and all you want is to get back to your dorm, she can be your worst enemy. Beware, for she is a double-edged sword; if you stop to talk to her, you will never make it home, but if you don't, you will feel incredibly guilty. You can't be rude to this girl, she's too nice, but sometimes the best way to handle your new BFFL is give her a friendly wave, avoid eye contact, and speedily walk away from the situation.
2. The Lone Guy With One Headphone In
Roughly 99 percent of the time he wants absolutely nothing to do with you, he's just trying to squeeze in a Vanessa Carlton jam session before he reaches his destination. The other 1 percent of the time, if you make eye contact and if you're lucky, you'll get a head nod, or very rarely, a grunt of acknowledgment. The best way to deal with Headphone Man is to cautiously make eye contact, and follow his lead.
3. The Guy Who Sits Diagonal To You In Philosophy
You’re not sure if he’s Matt or Mike or Mitch, but you’re sure he’s in your philosophy class and totally shot down your super deep, existential theory yesterday morning in class. In this situation, it is totally appropriate to give Philosophy Dude a little bit of cold shoulder. If he has not wronged you, things can usually go one of two ways: you exchange an awkward hello and never speak of it again, or you stand and talk about class for twenty-five minutes and bond for life over that fateful late night conversation.
4. The Girl Whose Name You Should Know By Now But Don't
You should be ashamed of yourself every time you see her. You’re pretty friendly with her, like friendly enough that it would be despicable if you asked her what her name is, but God help you, you cannot remember her name. You can dodge this situation by using pronouns and saying, “Hey … you!” whenever you see her, but eventually, your lack of knowledge will catch up with you. The best way to deal with this is give an ambiguous hello and then furiously stalk Facebook to find her name later.
5. Campus Police
All freshmen are terrified the first time they see a police uniform on campus; even when you’ve done nothing wrong, campus police can be intimidating at first. It’s inevitable to avoid seeing campus police at night, that’s when their job is most crucial. But the simple truth that so many people seem to disregard is this: you cannot get in trouble for doing nothing. The best way to deal with campus police is give them a friendly wave and hello and stop being paranoid.
6. The Pack of Frat-esque Freshmen Boys
Regardless of whether your school has Greek Life or not, you can almost undoubtedly find a throng of boys looking like Easter threw up on them – pastels, backward hats, and midcalves are what they live in, and traveling very loudly in large groups late at night is what they do. Try to avoid contact with them at all costs; it’s been "scientifically" proven that interacting with these large groups of not-quite-men can lower your intellect; stick to silently mocking them in your head, if you can.
7. The One Friend That's Been MIA All Night
This one is especially common amongst larger friend groups. There’s that one friend in a group chat of ten or eleven that hasn’t responded all night, and you’re getting mildly concerned about their whereabouts – and then they appear, like a vision sent from above. The best part about this interaction is getting to hear the stories of why said friend has been completely MIA all night; you’re bound to hear a wild story or two from the MIA Friend over the four years on campus.
8. The Pack Of Seniors Dressed In Costumes
It’s more common than you’d think. The seniors on campus are having some kind of themed party or event, and they are, of course, as seniors do, going all out dressing up. Keep calm, compliment cool costumes, and carry on.
