1. The Elephant

You don’t understand how someone can be that heavy footed. Are they angry? Did someone steal their dog? Is life really that cruel to them? Or are they just so incredibly huge that their feet must cause an earthquake every time they walk? Maybe your elephants upstairs constantly wear heels all the freakin’ time. Either way, I pity you.           

2. The Party Planner

Hold on. Their apartment is the same size as yours. How in the world do they manage to fit all those people in there? Oh...they don’t. Your neighbor’s party guests are once again spilling off the balconies, yelling in the parking lots, and leaving their cigarette butts all over the grass. Their parties get shut down every single time, but your neighbors’ urge to party comes back like cockroaches. Oh, and don’t even get me started if you have to share parking with your visitors.          

3. The Drug Dealer

Some of you may be thinking that this is convenient, but think again. Your neighbor thinks he’s slick, but we all know he’s not that popular and real guests don’t stick around for 10 seconds. Because he’s next door, so you’re now somehow a part of this operation. You don’t look his shady guests in the eye, you pretend like you don’t smell anything coming from beneath his doorframe, and you keep your fingers crossed that the cops don’t come because the last thing you have time to deal with is a drug bust.         

4. The Sex Machine

Okay, we get it. You have a healthy sex life. We’d all take the time to clap for you but we’re too busy covering our ears so we don’t have to hear you go round two. Seriously. It feels like we’re in the room with you, and it’s awkward. Do us all a favor and tone it down. Unless you’re filming a porno, there’s no need for that much noise to be coming out of your apartment.           

5. The Couple That Should Definitely Break Up 

He comes home too late, she was flirty with Johnny at the bar… We know way too much about this neighbor’s relationship to just be considered acquaintances. You wouldn’t mind hearing all their problems if they paid you to be their relationship counselor, but alas. They do not. Instead, you just have to hear their arguments through way-too-thin walls and hope that it doesn’t get physical. Please, for the love of marshmallows, break up already.           

6. The Deaf Music Lover

Uck. This is a lose-lose situation. They either have an awful taste in music and insist on playing it super loud, or they have good taste in music but hey, if you wanted to listen to it you would have put the song on yourself. This neighbor has never heard of headphones and if you gift them a pair, they may confuse it with earmuffs.           

7. The Alcoholic

You thought this neighbor was completely fine until Friday night rolled around. Although this neighbor is polite enough not to bring the party home, somehow you still have to deal with their drunken aftermath. You hear them stumbling up the stairs, sometimes yelling for no apparent reason, and you just pray that someone dropped them off. And has your alcoholic neighbor confused your door for theirs and tried desperately to get in yet? Yeah. That happens.          

8. The Ghost You’re pretty sure someone lives there… Someone lives there, right? I mean, there’s furniture on the patio and you think you heard someone jingling their keys that one night. You know this shouldn’t bother you because it’s not like they’re making noise. But their eerie quietness now makes you feel like you’re the noisy neighbor. Could they show any sign of life at all?