For those of us who do it, going to the gym is one of the best moments of our day.
We take time out of our days to exercise, worry about our physical appearance and for that hour, we tune out the rest of the world.
Whether you lift solo (with headphones in), in a group with some of your best friends or “swolemates,”or decided to hit up the gym for the first time in weeks – we’re all there for the same reason.
To get fit.
In some aspect, we’re there to better ourselves physically, or at least try.
Some of us are more dedicated than others, even if it doesn’t show. We’re more informed, experienced and avoid being classified as a “gym personality.”
We’ve all seen it.
Those guys, and sometimes girls that are doing something, anything that calls for our attention.
While working out at a college gym, gym personalities are everywhere. You don’t have to look too hard.
So here’s a list of people you may see in your gym, and if you don’t? Consider yourself lucky.
*disclaimer -- these personalities are not generalizing all gym patrons, but rather qualities of reoccurring instances of these individuals*
Slam Sedans
These are the people in the gym that just want to make as much noise as they possibly can.
They load up the bar on a lift like deadlift, using all metal plates and no pads below.
With a hard grunt, the weight that is obviously too much for them climbs up their now shaking body and once they’ve reached their desired lifting point, SLAM, the weight comes crashing back down.
They’ll do this at least ten times until they decide, “Oh, I could probably put more weight on right?”
Wrong.
Stop what you’re doing, please for all of us and our ears.
Cross Fit Experts
I am not dissing cross fitters everywhere, but I am going to take a shot at the people that have no idea what they’re doing.
These are the people that swing on the Olympic rings and pull-up bars like it’s a jungle gym.
They channel their inner Tarzan and just let it rip, performing horribly awful acrobats like half rep pull-ups and an attempt at a muscle up.
Do yourself a favor and go to an elementary school and use their playground equipment for your new found love of swinging.
I’m sure there’s space there.
Instagram Girls
These are the girls that you can tell they’re there for one reason and one reason only, to show themselves off.
Although your makeup looks nice, I’m about 90% sure you don’t need it for a gym.
They’re the same girls that go home after going to the gym and running on the treadmill for all of 30 seconds and post a “post-workout” picture after they probably dumped water on themselves to make it look like they did something.
They go to the gym to take a selfie and call it a day.
I am proud of those specific girls though. At least you’re there, but I mean come on, you can do better than that.
Headphone Hank
This is the guy that is rocking the Beats by Dre headphones on full volume and thrashing is head (and sometimes body) like he’s at an As I Lay Dying concert (that’s a metal band if you didn’t know).
He’s the guy that, whether or not you like his music, if you’re in a 5 step radius of him you’re going to hear it.
To everyone their own, but I assure you the trashing of your head isn’t going to help you push any weight.
Or maybe it will? Who knows?
The Alpha
This is the guy that buys the shirt three times too small, and he is still absolutely massive.
We’re all terrified of this person, and sort of want to be him at the same time?
He’s the biggest guy in the gym, whenever he walks into it.
He pushes the heaviest weight and is basically incognito the entire day until you see him in the far corner repping out 350 on bench.
The alpha comes and goes, like day and night.
He has one mission and he has achieved it – gains.
Gym Crush
Everyone has one, a gym crush.
This is the person, boy or girl, that always comes into the gym at the same time as you and you spend about 60% of your lift making awkward eye contact with them.
You’ve already planned out your future and your professional athlete kids. Or maybe that's just me ...
You use the mirrors for angles to look at your gym crush just so he/she doesn’t notice you’re looking at them.
Mirrors are your friend.
You’ll never work up the courage to actually talk to this person, but you’re certainly not counting it out.
We can dream.
Squads
These are the group of guys that you always see come in together.
I’m in one of these groups and I can tell when you walk by someone they’re thinking, “Who the hell are these dudes?” Probably not in a good way.
They take up the rack for 3 hours just to get one set in and end up goofing off more than lifting.
You pick out members of the group that you think are the leaders, and usually, it’s pretty obvious.
The squat lifts together, moves together and you’re convinced they never leave each other’s side.
It’s true, we don’t.
The Rookie
This is the person you can tell has no idea what they’re doing in the gym.
They’re using the leg curl machine as an arm curl, doing reps that look like they’re about to tear every muscle in their body and just look lost.
Most of the time, they’re an international student. That’s not hating on anyone, because coming to the gym is hard enough and when you don’t know anything, it’s pretty obvious.
If you see a rookie, help them out. There’s nothing more awkward to look at than someone doing something horribly wrong in a gym.
So that’s it.
There are hundreds of gym personalities that I’m sure I’m leaving out, but those are some of the main culprits.
Anyone can pick out these gym personalities … even a rookie.
Happy lifting everyone and enjoy the people watching central of the world.
The gym.
