International Women’s Day may have passed, but it’s still not too late to talk about the infuriating and conflicting standards that women face. We’re constantly told to adhere to conflicting norms that are more bipolar than college showers. We’re left confused and exhausted as we constantly teeter between these standards on a tightrope Houdini would have had trouble with. With that being said, here are eight contradictory standards that women are tired of following.

1. Be Confident but Don’t be Bossy

We’ve all heard this a million times. Growing up, our teachers told us that it is good to be confident and be able to speak for ourselves. Society stresses that being confident is attractive, it’s necessary to succeed in the workplace and that no one likes a doormat. See, that applies to men, who are praised as taking leadership, but only partially to women. If we put a toe over an invisible line and try to take charge or talk with an assertive tone the “bossy” banners come unfurling down over us and accusations of “being bitchy” come smacking us in the face.

2. Talk but Don’t Talk too Much

When chatting with other people, we should be good dinner conversation and be able to entertain everyone with how charming we are. But we can’t cross the line and start talking about real problems like the gender wage gap or the unfairness of no paid maternity leave. The moment we stop giggling and gushing about our Victoria Secret’s purchases, we’re told to hush and that we’re talking about inconsequential matters. “Shh!” People will say. “You talking about these things and having voicing your strong opinions make me uncomfortable.”

3. Don’t be Cold but Don’t be Hysterical

It’s a common trope that women are emotional beings. We get into what some men dismissively call “hysterics,” meaning the times we show natural human emotions. People are always telling us that we’re too sensitive and that we shouldn’t wear our hearts on our sleeves and buckle up for once. But the moment we appear professional and hide our emotions, we’re labelled as cold and unfeeling and that we should smile a little more.

4. Be Pretty but Don’t Make it Look Like You’re Trying Hard

Ever heard of “making beauty look natural”? I have certainly heard this phrase used countless times in makeup commercials where women in light foundation and minimal makeup commune with nature and celebrate their “natural beauty.” The problem is, natural beauty for me consists of me wearing an overlarge t-shirt and checkered pajama bottoms and for some reason, I don’t think people usually find that attractive. So what these commercials, and everyone else, seem to be saying is that yeah, you should look pretty but don’t make it look like you’ve put a lot of effort in because then you look like you’re trying too hard. By that leap of logic, if you’re trying too hard, then it means you must be narcissistic because you actually want to look pretty.

5. Be Sexy but Don’t Actually Have Sex

Along that line, we should always look attractive and sexy because obviously, the sole purpose of our bodies is to act as eye candy. We need to be alluring, foxy ladies who tantalize and seduce all who see us. But that’s all for show because when it comes to the bedroom, we’re supposed to be inexperienced virgins waiting for the right guy to teach us “what it means to be a woman.” If we’ve, gasp, actually dared to have sex, we’re whores and sluts for “sleeping around” and not “keeping our legs closed.”

6. Smile but be Careful of Context

“Why won’t you give me a smile?” That phrase has been overheard and overdone everywhere. We’re expected to smile for everyone because of one, see aforementioned eye candy, we’re supposed to look warm and nice. But wait, there’s a catch, like there always is with these things. We can’t smile too much because that’s asking for it and gives every excuse for a guy to come over and flirt with us. We don’t really feel like talking? Well it’s our fault because we smiled and that’s an invitation for our personal space to be invaded. On the other side of coin, if we arm ourselves up with our resting bitch faces, we’re being way too cold and hostile. We need to “loosen up” and stop pulling such scary faces.

7. Be Toned but in the Right Places

When you go to a gym, you’ll sometimes see a lot of ladies on treadmills or doing truly impressive core exercise on outfit-matching yoga mats. That’s not to say this always happens but for the most part, women are unconsciously shooed away from the weight machines. All the athletic commercials and ads feature women with flat abs, toned legs and slender arms. It’s good to be healthy and strong, these companies tell us, but not too strong. It’s absolutely unacceptable for a woman to be muscular, especially the arms, and it’s considered manly and unattractive. This is most evidently seen with last year’s kerfuffle around Serena Williams and sneering labels such as the “butch lesbian.”

8. Be a Good Employee but Don’t Forget Your Kids

The toxic ideal of the working mother is splashed all across Google in bright and polished stock photos. These pictures feature a woman impeccably dressed in a business suit with a happy child in one arm and a computer in the other. If we have children, we’re still expected to contribute just as fully as we did before. If we have to take time off to bond with our newborn babies or from sheer exhaustion of tending to them all night, people will complain that we’re not being serious enough about our jobs. If we choose not to have children and put our careers first, we’re “selfish” and “heartless.” I guess that’s understandable because every woman wants to work eight hours a day, while worrying about their children, and then come back home to tend their kids for another five hours. It does sound quite manageable when I put it that way.