Moving on from a relationship can be one of the mostly challenging and painful experiences a person can face. It doesn’t matter who you are, if that person meant something to you, it is going to be painful to live without them. Here is a simple list to help you get through the struggles.
1. Walk away, completely.
This is quite possibly the hardest part of letting go. It takes strength and courage, because you see that being away from the person is healthier than being with them. If you are the person who decides to walk away, be sure that you leave it all behind. Find a friend to hold you accountable, because trust me there will be days you want to run right back into their arms. But don’t. It is never worth the pain.
2. Understand that the past is the past.
What happened, is in the past. The past does not define who you are as a person, but it can define how you see your future and yourself. If you continue to look back on what happened, you will never be able to walk ahead. One of my favorite quotes states, “When the past knocks, don’t answer, it has nothing new to say.” Simply put, your past will always be your past, but who knows what your future may hold. If you continue to grip your past memories and emotions, you are not letting go
3. Write down all the causes of pain.
I know this initially sounds strange, but these are for the days you feel like running back. The funny part about loving someone so much, is that you overlook their flaws. You are almost blind to them sometimes. Writing down those bad emotions, situations and characteristics of your past relationship will allow you to not only get aggression out, but to truly see how bad the relationship was. This doesn’t sound very positive, but when we think back on our past relationships, we tend to remember only the good (or what seemed to be good). So, on the weak days when you’re thinking about calling or sending a text, look back on the list to remind you of what you could potentially be returning to.
4. Make a list of what you are now looking for in a future spouse.
On a more optimistic note, I suggest you make a list of all the characteristics you are looking for in a future spouse or relationship. You might be surprised on how many of those characteristics do not match up with your ex. You may also add new things to the list based off of what you wanted in your previous relationship. One day, when you find that special someone, hopefully you have a match to your written characteristics.
5. Do NOT go for a rebound.
After a tough break up, most people suggest you find a “rebound.” My suggestion: Do not do it. Rebounds may make you feel special again or may seem like a good way to prove to your ex that you are over it, but they never truly solve the problem at hand. Very rarely do rebound relationships ever end up working out. So, there is a high chance you will be left again, with a broken heart. Please my friend, let yourself heal before you dive right back in to another relationship.
6. It is okay to cry.
I have met so many people who see crying as a weakness. Well, I’d say that crying is one of the healthiest things you can do in a situation like this. So turn on "Let It Go" by James Bay, and cry your eyes out. Trust me, you will feel better after you do. Crying allows you to release the emotions bottled up inside. The more you release them, the easier it will be to cope.
7. Forgive and know that an apology may never come.
Forgiving a person who left you bruised and tattered may be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but it will also be the most rewarding. Forgiveness is one of the most freeing acts on earth because unforgiveness binds the soul. If you do not forgive what that person did to you, it will haunt you forever. Unforgiveness will not affect them at all, but it will affect you. One more important thing to remember is this: An apology may never come and you have to be alright with that. So, forgive yourself, forgive them, and move on (easier said than done). Holding on and hoping for an apology only gives you something to grasp. You have to let everything go, and an apology is one of them.
