When we start dating, unfortunately, we are never given a handbook of all the tips, tricks, and secrets to follow in order to attain the perfect romance. And let's be honest, said book would probably run about 30 bucks at Barnes and Noble anyhow. But gosh, how fantastic would it be to know every right move to make? It seems that our love lives are fantastic stories of trial and error that expand and grow the way that we connect as human beings. Love can be tumultuous, idle, confusing, and quite beautiful. I may not have all the secrets, dear reader, however — here are a few clever pieces of advice on love that I've gathered along the way.
1. Skip the small talk.
What's up?
Oh, not much wbu?
Same
When you're getting to know someone don't waste your words talking about the weather, how bored/tired you've been after work — think about it. Small talk can only be what it is — small. Try to veer away from dull conversations. Ask about their passions. Ask about their favorite memories, where they wish to be in 5 years time. Don't be afraid to tell stories, to open up and enjoy. Talk about what's meaningful, and perhaps the conversation will follow suit.
2. Be YOU.
"Be yourself" has bound to be one of the very first pieces of love life advice that you ever received — but surprisingly, it's sometimes incredibly hard to put into practice. It's easy to get lost in a sad flurry of wonderment when you question if someone will truly accept you for the way you are. Let people know who you are. State it. Trying anything else just gets disorganized and silly. It's only right to have conversations about things that you love and to express who you are. After all, you're the only person that can truly be you, so why not have it that way?
3. State what you want.
People let their relationships stay unidentified for months or even years and it's up for you to define yours. As cool as it would be, it's probably not plausible that your person can magically figure out the way that you feel about them. It's good to clear the air and state it. It's healthy and almost as good as getting what you want!
4. Stay in a relationship out of "want" not "need."
I'm finding out that want and need are two very incredibly different words.
It seems that the word need is detrimental because it refers to the way that fills a hole. When you're in a relationship, you want that person for their unique qualities, the strength they've lent you, their sharp taste in internet memes. You don't choose them to fill a hole that you need to be filled. You want them.
5. Fight.
You heard me, fight! While a lot of excess fighting can be detrimental — it seems that couples that fight stick around. Don't be afraid to bring what is bothering you to light. A lot of people sweep issues under the proverbial rug saying that they do it respectfully — is it respectful to let something go bad? So yes, you should fight. You should fight for the solutions that dispell bad feelings in your relationship.
6. Try treating heartache as you would a headache.
In a column by the NY times , there was a statement about how Tylenol could aid the way that your body deals with the physical pain associated with heartbreak. But in general, I've found that it's best to take care of yourself. It's best to take care of yourself the way you would when you have a splitting headache. Treat yo' self.
7. Know what you deserve
And don't settle for less. If this person is hurting you, do not stay. Know when it's not worth it to stay because believe me, you are worth it.
