Before coming to University of South Carolina, I thought that most people remained single for a majority of their college experience. However, most of my friends have significant others, and I myself am also in a serious relationship. USC definitely doesn't follow the status quo for the typical college dating environment -- we are a noticeably monogamous campus.
So here, it's pretty easy to get into a relationship because almost everyone here is actively seeking one. However, it's not simple to find a healthy relationship. Prioritizing your life is already difficult enough without a significant other in the equation. Once you start dating someone with unlimited free time and no parental control, it is easy to let a relationship slide into the zone of being unhealthy.
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My close friends here at college tell me that I'm very good at maintaining a balance across my relationship, my friendships and my academics. While I don't claim to be perfect or to be any type of relationship guru, I do have a few tips that I think most college people in relationships should pay attention to. I hope that any or all of these words of advice help you to understand the importance of balance across your love life, your student life, and the rest of your social life.
1. Don't spend all of your time with each other.
College is full of so many opportunities, and you're guaranteed to miss out if you spend all of your time just staring at your S.O. It's good to do other things and be a busy person; it makes your time with your S.O. super special. It's not healthy to exist solely to spend time with your S.O. and to ignore everything the else the world has to offer to you.
2. Have another support system.
Sorry Serena, that's not healthy. You shouldn't gather your worth from the person that you're dating. Believe in yourself on your own. Have your own light. And if the relationship you're in is healthy, your S.O. will appreciate the confidence that you have in all of your abilities.
3. Keep everything in perspective.
A healthy relationship isn't a contest where people keep count. Your sole purpose in life isn't to be in a relationship -- we are all in college working towards our career goals. Remember to keep everything in perspective: a healthy relationship isn't who would catch a grenade for who, it's about who would support and stand by you in your time of need. Relationships are about compromise, not sacrifice- there's a huge difference.
4. Always support them and cheer them on, without being selfish.
Sometimes this can get difficult, because you just want to see them even though you know they need to study for their four exams this week. However, a relationship is only half what you want, so you need to think of what your S.O. needs this week too, and that's support. You should always be your significant other's biggest fan, and they should be yours.
5. Don't be jealous when they have something else going on.
College has so many things to offer aside from your relationship. You should both be enjoying your entire experience. Sometimes my boyfriend can't see me because he has an intramural soccer game, and sometimes I don't text him for six hours because I'm walking around the farmer's market with my best friends. This is 100% OK. You can't ever be jealous over your S.O. living their lives to the fullest.
6. Actually communicate.
Sometimes I'll make plans to see my boyfriend and then realize that I didn't do enough school work or that I promised my friend I would take her to the grocery store. If you communicate those things, they will be less upset with you. Say that you're too busy today, but you'll see them tomorrow. I've done this to him, and he's done it to me. In a healthy relationship, you actually communicate what's going on in your life aside from each other, and you don't get upset when plans need to be changed or when your S.O. is feeling really down and may just need a lot of attention one day. Again, your relationship isn't just about you, and their feelings are valid.
7. Don't let what's going on in your relationship determine your academics and friendships.
You are strong, beautiful, independent, and powerful on your own -- if your relationship is having a day of weakness or frustration, you can't let that reflect on your academic performance or the health of your friendships. Everything will solve itself in your relationship later, but your calculus exam can only be done once.
