I love Larry David. I love Larry David so much that it makes other people feel weird. I grew up watching Seinfeld and I carry all of the scars of that childhood experience. I think there are way more situations in which it's appropriate to yell at people than there really are. I'm very petty and also sometimes very rude. Every time I watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm," I can't help but strongly identify with him, which makes me hate myself, which is actually a very Larry David way to feel. It's a vicious cycle. Here are 10 moments which have contributed to my downward spiral.
1. That time he could not muster up any excitement at a basketball game.
2. That time he yelled for everyone.
I love yelling. I love feeling righteous. Yelling is the best, especially when you think you're doing it because of your superior sense of morality and not because you're an asshole.
3. That time that he hated someone he had just met.
First impressions are important. Once, when I was in kindergarten, a girl named Sarah accidentally hit me on the head with a block during clean up time. She was always nothing but kind to me for the next six years that we went to school together, but I could never forgive her. I think this situation seems healthy and normal!
4. That time he said something very depressing and also unfortunately accurate.
My bedtime has gotten earlier and earlier as the years have gone by. This is because life is a constant and exhausting struggle against the dying of the light, so by the time 7 PM rolls around, I feel like there's nothing left to do but go to sleep.
5. That time he was repulsed by a Republican.
This is the only kind of intolerance I can get behind. It's just ew gross.
6. That time he said something I've always been too weak and dishonest to say.
I feel this way all the time, even about people I love deeply. Don't you wish you could just say this to someone? I really wish I could say this to many of the people in my classes. I wish I could say this to everyone I've ever spent more than two consecutive days with.
7. That time he seemed kind of happy.
Even I'm happy sometimes. Sometimes I think life is pretty, pretty, pretty good, like when I'm eating a bagel or listening to "Dreamboat Annie" or sitting alone, in silence.
