Of course, since it was Mother's Day, I'm willfully obligated to write about the women who are the very creators of life, literally. This article is a highlight on all the joyous things that our beautiful, strong, encouraging, and simply amazing mothers do.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever seen their mother do something and automatically think: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't do that." So here's a list I've compiled of marginally insane things that our moms do, that they probably shouldn't, but can because they're moms.
1. Tells the host at the restaurant that you're 11 when you're actually 14
I can't even count the number of times that my dear mother has told a restaurant host/hostess, that my sister and I are younger than we actually are so that we can get the kid's price. I'd always seem to make matters worse by saying, "but mom, you know I'm-" which of course ended with her giving me the shut-up, stare down.
2. "Okay, I'm just going to run in for a moment."
In my younger days (when I had no say in the matter), my mom would just "run" into the store for what she thought was a quick moment. I never knew just grabbing some milk could take so long and I've recently learned that it is very illegal to leave your child unattended in the car. I bet you won't catch me volunteering to stay in the car now.
3. Making physically impossible threats
I was somewhat of a terrible child, so I heard it all. Some of my favorites include "I'll slap you into next week," "I'll smack the skin off of you," "don't make me break my foot off into you," or my personal favorite "I brought you into this world, I can sure take you out." There were of course a lot more which aren't G-rated that I'm sure my mother would actually hurt me for repeating. Needless to say, I don't remember acting out too much after hearing these.
4. When she uses her customer service voice on the phone after she just cursed you out
Ever heard your mom on the phone with the cable people or with the bank and it was definitely not in the same tone, pitch, frequency, or vibrato that she has ever used with you? Or when she runs into an old acquaintance in public and turns into America's sweetheart all of a sudden? Yeah, me too.
5. When your mom constantly volunteers you for stuff but doesn't even tell you
"Oh, you need your roof fixed? My daughter would love to help with that!" This always and I mean ALWAYS happens at family dinners or cookouts. Don't expect her to ask you either. You'll find out about the day before and in some nonchalant manner like when you're washing the dishes or something. Like excuse me mom, I already had plans to do nothing in my room all weekend.
6. Referencing our generation's music or lingo to seem "hip"
What would this article be without at least one mean girl reference. I love my mom, I sincerely do, but it is 2016 and she still asks me what are the words to Usher's "Yeah" and Beyonce's "Single Ladies." Despite this lack of knowledge, it doesn't stop my mom from saying things like "church was lit, " or "your cousin just slayed giving birth." Just last week, she used the words "turn up" and Jesus in the exact same sentence. I'm just thankful she doesn't have a Facebook yet. As for those of you whose parents do, I am deeply sorry.
7. Telling complete strangers should-be-confidential information about you.
Okay. This is not only slightly insane but also completely unsafe. So many times I've heard "your mother has told me so much about you," and my response is who are you. And don't let me make the mistake of leaving her alone in the mall or grocery store for a split second to return to her showing strangers pictures of me, telling them what school I attend, and sometimes even where I live on-campus!
Despite the threats, the embarrassment, and any other marginally insane thing that she might do, just know it's all done out of love. Without my mother, where would I be. Googling, "what goes in a pot roast," isn't nearly as great as having my mother tell it to me over her loud football-cheering screams (she's a big sports fan). There's no one on Earth that can take your mother's place. so let's be thankful why she's still here. My mom is definitely a superwoman and It's exactly why I love her. I love you mom.
