When I first found out that my grandpa had passed on, I didn't know what to do. I just lied in bed staring at the ceiling for a while trying to wrap my head around the news I had just received. Yes, I knew he was sick, but that doesn't change the fact that nothing can prepare you for the moment when it comes and the heartbreak that follows. I've never lost a grandpa before, or experienced sadness like this; however, throughout this whirlwind of emotions, there are a few things that I learned along the way.
1. Nothing Can Prepare You
No matter how sick your grandpa is, and no matter how many doctors predict the time, you will never feel prepared for the day when it comes. There is no such thing as "expecting it to happen". No one is ready for the moment to face the news that you've lost a loved one, or for the moments that follow.
2. It Feels Surreal
At first it doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel like it actually happened. For me, I didn't know what to do for the rest of the day -- it felt like time was moving in slow motion. It almost felt like I was in denial. I watched my mother make arrangements for the wake, and watched my father call our family members, but it still didn't feel like it was actually happening. This kind of immense loss takes some time to sink into not only your mind, but your heart too.
3. It's Okay To Cry
In moments like this, you don't have to be strong for anyone. It's good to let out what you've got bottled up inside you. In fact, it will bring you closer to your family around you, as they are feeling the same things that you are. Sharing your emotions is key to helping you understand and accept what has happened, and begin to start your grieving process.
4. There's No Timeline For Greiving
One very important thing I've learned is that everyone grieves at their own pace, and in their own way. As my mother told me, grief comes in waves. No two methods of grieving will be the same. That being said, don't let anyone else's process affect the approach you are taking to deal with your loss. It might be difficult to see how your parents or siblings are reacting, but it is important to realize there is no guideline for how to recover after losing a loved one. Do what is best for you.
5. You Can Talk About It, Or Not
After hearing news like this, I was stuck. I wasn't sure if I should tell my friends, call my family, or just keep to myself. The truth is, it's up to you who you decide to tell and when you decide to tell them. If talking about your loss will help you grieve, then try asking a friend to FaceTime. However, if you deal with pain better on your own, try taking a break from social media to focus on your family. There is no standard for texting, posting, or talking about the loss you've experienced. Don't feel like you owe anyone anything right now.
6. Prayer Is Key
This one may be personal, but for my family, prayer is an important factor. Growing up Catholic has given me the means to rely on my faith in times of hardship. As a family, we are strengthened through our prayers to God and our prayers for my Grandpa's soul.
7. Your Love For Others Is Intensified
A sudden loss of someone you love so dearly is painful. However, it shows you just how lucky you are to be surrounded by so many people you love too. While of course you are always thankful for your family, it is sudden loss and sadness that enhances the blessings and happiness you still have in those around you. Never take anyone or anything for granted, because it's true what they say; life is short. Always be thankful for what you have and love like it's the last time you can.
Love you Pop Pop, always.
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