1. TRUST MY INSTINCTS

I should have known Roommate A was a snake when I saw her Facebook posts in which she slandered the Black Lives Matter movement and discredited the wholesome work of President Obama.

Hey, college kids, if you've got an iffy feeling about someone you're planning to room with (or someone you already share a space with) run before it's too late. Your intuition is your soul warning you of the f*ckery to come. Listen to your heart....

2. PEOPLE TATTLE ON THEMSELVES

Roommate B's two favorite words in my presence were "I'm sorry". She would apologize for the dumbest things: sneezing, opening the door, turning on the light... once, she apologize for pooping! I told my friends I didn't think she was truly saying sorry for those things, that there was something underneath that she'd done despite me; that's what she was really sorry for! I later found screenshots of conversations she'd had with our other roommates. In these conversations she engaged in gossip against me -- racial slurs, bitchy antics, and petty rhetoric. It was like Mean Girls in real life.

I don't want to tell you that your seemingly "kind" roomie is actually a demon in disguise, because there is a chance your roommate is really a nice person! But if you and your roommate are lacking in the friend department (e.i., you hardly hang out or talk), and they're still outrageously nice to you, it might just be their guilt. They could just be trying to make up for their Regina George behavior.

3. JEALOUSY IS A BITCH

Back to Roommate A... she had a lot going on in her life, unpleasant things. Meanwhile, my days as a freshman in college were lived in the beautiful sunlight of autumn! I won't go into details here, but her envy was so strong I could smell it. Her jealousy motivated actions she took against me. Roommate B even admitted to helping Roommate A poison my gallon of milk with laxatives! And for Halloween, they stole my witch-hat... my costume was so incomplete!

Jealousy is a powerful thing that can overpower a person... it can change someone in a split second! Be careful around the envious one, especially those who are so close to you.

4. GROWN UPS WHO STILL NEED THEIR MOMMA BEARS ARE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE

Finally, we turn our attention to Roommate C. Roommate C kept her lips puckered around her mother's bosom! She was a mommy's girl, her mom was always hovering around. Roommate C would keep her mouth shut in the face of dorm-drama, then blab to her mom about it. Her mom was a sponge for gossip! She'd often complain to my mother about my alleged bad habits, as if her daughter were incapable of talking to me about it in person. Very childish.

Nothing is more annoying than an adult who doesn't know how to take control of their own life. Make sure your roommate is a mature person who's upfront with you about dorm problems. If an issue lingers too long, it can fester. A good idea would be to schedule monthly roomie meetings, where you each confess ordeals in the dorm/apartment. Find solutions like grown ups and move on!

5. I WASN'T THE PERFECT ROOMMATE

I have no problem bringing my faults to light. I ate food with other people's names on it. I used someone else's hair dryer when they weren't home. I even squeezed Roommate B's toothpaste on my toothbrush just because I was curious what Sensodyne tasted like. However, there were times I was accused of being a bad roommate for things that were clearly too ridiculous to be true! For instance, I was accused of having ruined a roommate's pots and pans. Apparently I had burned them when cooking dinner... I hardly cooked because I stayed campus passed 9pm almost everyday. I ate dinner with friends at the food court most nights, and when I did cook, I made grilled cheese. How do you burn something that's meant to sit on top of fire? How do you burn an iron pot with an electric stove???

Don't settle to a roommate who makes things up just to create dirt on you. If they have to lie, then you're not that bad of a roomie, but they are. Remove yourself from the presence of such mess. You deserve better.

6. ANYONE WHO LEAVES YOU FOR DEAD IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

One evening, after a long day of studying, I decided to take a shower. When I got out my roommate told me the fire alarm had gone off. I figured it was just a neighbor burning some toast, so I waved it off. But the next day, when looking at my roommates' Snapchat stories, I saw the truth. There was an evacuation of the building, fire trucks outside, and firemen crawling through the hallways. Meanwhile, my roommates were recording snaps as they fled the apartment, leaving me behind...

If the person you share a room or apartment with is snake enough to risk your safety, you may want to rethink your living situation!

7. HATERS ARE ALWAYS THIRSTY FOR BITTER T

I got a job at the campus bookstore within the week I moved to Boston. Roommate B seemed surprised about my employment and from then on would constantly ask about my job. Everyday she'd ask if I'd gotten fired yet... She was so hungry for bad news that she would literally ask if I'd had the misfortune of being fired! She seemed disappointed when I told her I was still a working woman.

This way connect back to jealousy, since Roommate B had had so much trouble looking for a job that she remained unemployed for an entire semester. But if your roommate seems eager to hear bad news about you or the things you care about, watch out...

I could list a million more issues, a million more lessons, but the five listen above are the most general. They could seriously help you or anyone else in a dorm-related bind. Spread the word, let the world know how to create a happy, peaceful environment for themselves.

May the semesters ahead be full of A's, B's, and absolutely no D's.