The lack of manners in today's society is appalling to me. Everyone seems so straightforward and blunt without any consideration for how their messages are being received by others. What happened to The Golden Rule? Treat others the way you want to be treated! For most of us that means employing basic manners and maintaining an adequate level of politeness: saying "please," "thank you," and apologizing when you screw up. Some of us, the advocates for manners, overcompensate for those who are lacking in the common decency department. This leads to a breed of the "overly-polite". You know who I'm talking about. You may even be one of them -- one of those overbearingly nice people. Sometimes it makes you a little sick to be around them -- could they just stop saying "sorry" already!? But even though they may always be smiling, their politeness is often just as awkward for them. Here are seven situations every overly-polite person can relate to.
1. Paying the Bill
Have you ever gone out to dinner with friends and the waiter didn't specify whether or not you'll be splitting the check? There's that awkward moment at the end of a great meal when a single check arrives for five people, and everyone looks at each other trying to figure out what to do. Don't worry, the overly-polite person has got it all covered. I can't count how many times I've bought dinner for everyone, because I didn't want to bother the waiter to go back and split the checks. On the same note, I've also paid for things I never received, because I didn't want to cause a fuss.
2. Sharing food
That moment when someone asks if they can have a fry and every ounce of your being is screaming, "NO!", but you know you'll force a smile and happily chirp, "sure!" One fry leads to twelve, half of your sandwich, and all of your drink. It's okay though, at least that person shouldn't be hungry for your next meal...
3. Receiving Gifts
The overly-polite person absolutely loves every gift they receive! We just don't know how to refuse a gift, because all we can focus on is how nice it was for someone to go out of their way to get us something. We truly do appreciate the gesture, but maybe think a little more before buying ice cream for someone who is lactose-intolerant.
4. Meetings/Greetings
We'll admit it -- sometimes we try too hard. The overly-polite person just wants to make a good impression and avoid offending anyone... ever. So, meeting someone new causes you to question the formalities that the other person is used to. Ever gone in for a hug just to be hit in the stomach with a handshake, because you two weren't on the same page? That's basically the nightmare of meeting new people.
5. Conversations
Remember that kid in high school that thought you were best friends, even though you never really liked him? Imagine running into him on the street. How do you get away? Answer-- you don't. The overly-polite person is unable to end a conversation, no matter how painful it is for them. Sometimes subtle (or not-so-subtle) hints are dropped that you've got other things to do, but those never seem to work. Looks like you're stuck with a new friend.
The same goes for those awkward situations where someone you don't like keeps hitting on you. You aren't filled with Meghan Trainor's sass to respond (rather rudely in my opinion) to each advance with, "No." The overly-polite person is stuck there smiling and saying "thank you" to each compliment through gritted teeth.
6. School Projects
There are two types of people-- those who love group projects and those who hate them. What's the underlying difference? Those who love group projects are the ones who "delegate" all the work to the ones who hate group projects. Guess which side the overly-polite person falls on. We have a hard time saying "no" when someone asks us for our help or participation, which leads to us being overwhelmed with too many projects. If you see an overly-polite person struggling with life, please don't ask them for help. You will break them.
Another school-related struggle that should be mentioned is critiquing other students' work. Professors, why do you make us do this? Reading another student's work is often torture enough, so why must you throw us into the awkward position of holding temporary power over them? What am I supposed to do when I'm presented with a piece of crap paper that I can tell was written twenty-minutes ago? If I gave my real critique I not only would feel like a terribly mean person, but I'm pretty sure I'd get kicked out of class. "Try again, dumb-ass, didn't you learn anything in first-grade," isn't what the overly-polite person can say, but if we write, "Good job," we get lectured for being poor critics. You just can't win. No one wins, so can we please stop critiquing each other's work? Please?
7. Parties
If you've never seen an overly-polite person at a party, there is a logical explanation. We will dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge every person at a party until we're too intoxicated to be asked to be the DD, because if you get asked sober, you can't say no. That plan doesn't always work out for us though. We're still the ones holding hair back at the toilets, cleaning up spilled drinks in the morning, and making arrangements for everyone to get home safely (whether we're drunk or not).
Sometimes being polite has its drawbacks. Sometimes it feels like people are walking all over you. Sometimes you lose hope in humanity and manners, but it's not all bad. There are others out there who still believe in The Golden Rule, and when you're in need your friends will be there. You just can't be too afraid to stand up for yourself now and again. Saying "no" doesn't always mean you're being rude.
