Failure. A single word, that continues to seem to control you because you don’t want to set yourself up for failure. You have been in that one relationship that completely tore you apart and ever since then you feel like you’re on a constant merry go round. Every time you think that something good is going to happen there is something in the stars that is telling you to walk away. You begin to wonder why you are unable to be in something constant and then you remember the boulders you built to keep everyone out. You begin to question yourself and if it is really you that dooms each relationship before it even begins. It was from that one relationship that you realize that you’re standing in your own way when it comes to love for future relationships.
1. You push people away because then you feel like you have the control of ending things.
There are two types of people within this category. There are those that push people away before something even begins because they are scared that they are actually going to feel something. These types of people don’t even want to give themselves the chance because they don’t want to set themselves up for failure. You are accepting the fact that you will never have to feel on a deeper level because if you don’t feel then you won’t be able to become hurt. You always wonder if you would’ve taken that leap if your view on love would’ve changed. Then there are those that actually start to have feelings for someone that they eventually push him or her away because they want to have the power of crushing their own heart. You are pushing someone away, but then in the end, you are the person who is breaking your own heart, not them. Truth be told though you wish that you would have stayed with them because you know it could’ve been something great.
2. You are constantly comparing your relationships.
It is easy when you enter a new relationship to compare it to your last. We all do it and it is a natural human thing to do. However, we are ruining our chances of even being with that person because all we are doing is constantly judging them. We are judging them against someone who isn’t even in our lives anymore. We are not even giving this person a chance because all we can think about is the person before and the person before. You then put yourself in their shoes and wonder if what you are doing is fair. You have no idea what you want so the only thing you know how to do is compare. Comparing is one of your deadliest weapons because the only person it has hurt is yourself.
3. You are stuck on that one person it will never work out with.
You don’t even want to give yourself the chance to feel for someone else because you are hoping it is going to be “him or her”. If you start to have feelings for someone else you question if that person you have been waiting for will finally notice you. You are constantly stocking their social media wondering if they are thinking about you still and it is driving you crazy. You know you need to get over this person, but you don’t want to because there is still a little bit of dead hope within you that it is going to work out. You worrying about someone who isn’t even in your life and it is already ruining your chances with someone else. The best thing that could be for you is to completely stop thinking and stocking them on social media, but then you laugh at yourself because you feel like it isn’t possible. You will always wait for that one day you two are able to rekindle and you will wait as long as it takes even if it means on letting go of something else that is better.
4. You haven’t decided what you really want.
It is hard to fully be happy in a relationship if you don’t even know what you want from it. You have this preconceived notion of what you are supposed to have so if it doesn’t reach your imaginable expectations then that person isn’t going to cut it. If that person does not reach your expectations, you just drop them without any questions asked. You constantly tell yourself that the right person is going to come, but then you question what it is that you really want. You yourself don’t even know what you want in a relationship because you haven’t given yourself that ability of feeling and experiencing something disastrously wonderful. You then realize you need to figure out what you want as an individual before you can even enter any type of relationship.
5. You are holding onto the past.
You tend to idealize the past because if it weren’t for that person you wouldn’t feel this way. You constantly ask yourself if you would be “normal” if you have never dated that person because if it weren’t for them you wouldn’t have a problem dating. You tell yourself that you have all of this emotional baggage so why would someone who doesn’t even know you want to carry that for you? You aren’t even letting that person answer your question because you have already answered it yourself. It is hard to forgive yourself for the past mistakes that came along your path and that is why it is so hard for you to move forward. The question you need to ask yourself is what are you going to do with that emotional baggage: are you going to learn from it or continue to let it destroy you?
6. You haven’t accepted the uncertainty of a relationship.
The reason why you can’t “find” love is because you want to be able to control it. The one thing that you do not want is having the inability of controlling every aspect of your life. You are scared that in a relationship you won’t be able to control every part so you end it. You end it on your terms because then you know it wasn’t for you. You are scared to acknowledge the unknown in a relationship because once you begin to see it you run. You run because you don’t want to experience anything you don’t have control over. You’re a planner and the thought of not being able to analyze every aspect scares you to death. You want that perfect story with that perfect ending, but the thing you need to realize is that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. A real relationship has struggles and heartache because that is what you go through with someone that you love.
7. You’re scared of commitment.
You will never admit it to yourself, but this is the soul reason why you are unable to be with someone other than yourself. You are scared that something can be so real that it has the potential of hurting you. You are already thinking about the future when you haven’t let yourself think about the moment you are in. You are always 10 steps ahead when really you don’t need to be anywhere, but that moment. You have broken your own heart more than anyone else has. You will always find an excuse not to go on that one date or meet that one person. You say you want a relationship, but when the time comes for you to make a decision you run for the hills as fast as you can because at least there no one can hurt you there. You are waiting for the right time with the right person and because of your expectations that person just hasn’t come along yet. It is important to know that there will never be a perfect moment or time for anything so just do it. Just look into the big depths of the water and go for it.
