I have never understood how God determined who would be awkward with the opposite sex and who would be blessed as flirty froo froos. When He crafted me, He decided I'd be the queen of awkward land. I mean, I'm a pretty great leader of my little spastic world, it runs as smoothly as a spastic world can. If you can relate to these 7 things, you just may be one of the queens of awkward land when it comes to the opposite sex.
1. Eye contact craziness
If he catches you staring then he will immediately know that you're interested and that is an absolute no go. I mean, things worked beautifully in kindergarten when you pretended to be disgusted by your crush and told them you would rather eat your boogers than be his girlfriend. So even the slightest look in his direction is not allowed. But for some reason your eyes are magnetically charged to his beautiful face. So you try to not look, but you fail and you look at the perfect time and he catches you. Does he smile? Does he check you out? How would you know... you awkwardly look away and start sweating as soon as you see his eyeballs.
2. Avoid him at all cost
You want to steer clear of any embarrassing conversation or walking past him on the sidewalk and not knowing if you should smile or look at your phone. So you stay away, far away. Of course, you still go to the same get-togethers as he does, but you keep your distance and don't use your voice box to speak to him.
3. Need a dictionary to talk to him
You have finally worked up the courage and have decided to talk to him. So the opportunity arises and you go to speak words to the beautiful child of the Lord, you're usually very talented at this whole witty word forming thing. Except you've never spoken to a Greek god before, and it is apparently very difficult to speak to Greek gods. You search your brain for funny things to say and all you come up with is "So do you like fruits or vegetables more?" You walk away kicking yourself at your awkwardness.
4. Fan-Girl Frenzy
To everyone else, he is just some boy, but to you, he is almost an equivalent to Channing Tatum. Since speaking words to his beautiful face doesn't work, you stalk. And it's pretty hard core stuff. It starts off small by just following him on every social media, but you end up looking at every picture posted by every girl that dares like one of his pictures.
5. Getting pretty
You don't want to look like a toe whenever he catches you gawking at him, or if you ever choose to attempt to talk to him again. So you wake up a little early every morning and get ready to be beautiful for him. You may be awkward, but you're beautiful.
6. Girl talk
By this point, your friends are oh so annoyed by how many times you've uttered his name. You tell them every single encounter that you have with your man, even if it's just that he breathed the same air you did. They may have even given you a limit on the amount of times you're allowed to say his name while you're around them. You're that annoying.
7. Try too hard
You're scared to talk to him but you want to get his attention. You embarrass yourself when he is near trying to make him think you're cool and fun. He probably doesn't think you're fun, just weird. But weird is fun sometimes.
It's okay to be queen of awkward land. It's more fun than being a boring ole normal girl. Soon, my lovely ladies, boring normal gals will be out, and weird awkward girls will be in. This queen is kindly waiting for that day. Here's to another 300,000 awkward encounters and fun stories to tell your children one sweet day.
