After 15 years of playing the field, I’d say I’ve got a decent understanding of who NOT to date. You know, because I have a 100% failure rate when it comes to relationships. Here are 7 warning signs to spot an immature relationship.
1. They need a medal for completing menial household tasks
If your beau needs constant praise for handling the smallest of tasks, it’s time to rethink things. I’m not talking about needing to feel appreciated because that is incredibly important. As humans, it’s great to be reaffirmed that having you & your help are both things your partner is thankful for. This is not that. What I’m talking about is someone hovering over an empty trash can with the expectation that not only will you notice, but you’ll hoist them into the air to celebrate this monumental victory. That is exhausting! I’m so glad you put a dish away so we don’t live in filth, but baby - this is part of adulting. You no longer get a gold star for completing 30 seconds of necessary “work.”
2. He never stays at your place
Even Drake is talking about this right now. Drake! Listen, I am so guilty of this myself. I have a lot of things I need in order to be presentable to the public. My nighttime beauty regimen is nothing to be messed with. So, yeah, I usually suggest the man stays at my house. Recently, though, I had a guy decline because he, “didn’t want to fight traffic” in the morning. That, ladies & gentlemen, is the definition of a f*ckboy. Kick him out of your house, & delete his contact info. Anyone who doesn't think a night with you is worth sitting in traffic for 10 extra minutes should not be given the time of day.
Sidenote: I really CANNOT with this video. Kylie & the lip kit? The kiss in the rain? This is not romance. Do yourself a favor & watch the movie Say Anything. & then slowly die inside because that has never happened to you.
3. Unsupportive/ deconstructive comments
We’ve talked briefly about the difference between being positive & being a good friend. Those cold, hard facts can also be applied to your significant other. However, support & positivity are pretty different things in my eyes.
Example - I live in Nashville where 80% of the population is still trying to “make it” in Music City. It’s really tricky to walk the line of supportive & realistic with a 40-year-old who’s unemployed aside from playing gigs twice a month, still clinging to the hope of being discovered. Dreams are great, but - hobbies & realism are also great. Telling your musician to grow up, get a haircut, & get a real job will get you dumped. I know this because it has happened to me.
Be there for one another. Be supportive. Be constructive. & if you can’t find it in your grinch-like heart to do so, it’s probably a sign that you’re on completely different pages with what you want out of life.
Did I just talk myself out of ever dating a musician again? I think I did.
4. You only converse via text
I realize I am a bit older & have wrinkles & whatever. But, - I grew up during the awkward years where you had to call someone’s house & ask their parents if they were available. Even worse, sometimes they would ask who was calling. AHHHH. The adorable minx is his Algebra class, of course. Despite all of this, that was the way to go. It took effort. It took courage. It took a brain.
Texting is a horrible method of communication. Also, it’s a total cop out. Make a real attempt at communicating, dude. Pick up the phone to have a real conversation. & don’t you even think about sending that stupid heart emoji in exchange for an honest statement, either.
Furthermore, this becomes extra cringeworthy if it’s only happening after dark. That’s not a relationship. That’s… a booty call.
5. They’re incapable of making a plan
Netflix and Chill is not a plan. That does not count.
Believe it or not, this still happens at 30. Last week, someone asked if I wanted to, “smoke out & watch Rick & Morty”. NO. Not even a mention of a Stouffer's lasagna let alone a respectable meal for adults. HOW OLD ARE WE? 1) If this is the only suggestion ever offered as a “date”, something tells me you might only be receiving texts after dark. 2) One person should never have to call all of the shots. Sure, some personality types are more dominant than others. Deciding on a place to have dinner should not be impacted by this. It screams lazy & uninterested. Again with the effort. Yeesh.
6. Wandering eyes
In 2017, this is such a nightmare. Not only are the city streets lined with eye candy, but the internet is FULL of babes. Babes with angles. Babes with filters. Babes in panties. If your guy is notorious for liking photos of 20-year-old hard bodies in bikinis, it’s really easy to turn into a crazy person. Nothing like a giant like on a cleavage shot to make a girl feel insecure. Nothing like a giant like on an ex-girlfriend’s cleavage shot to throw a girl into a resentful rage.
Regardless if he’s trying to make you jealous or he’s just an idiot - move along, sister. You’re better than that.
7. Doing things out of spite
Nothing says immaturity like pouting & retaliation. Think back to your blossoming pre-teen days when you were growing up with a snotty older sibling. My brother & I were in this constant battle over leftover food. He’d write his name on his delicious pad thai, & that takeout box would taunt me in the fridge. I knew if I snuck a bite (or 12) it would haunt me. Next time I had an extra slice of pizza, he would snipe it out of stolen-noodle-spite. No doubt.
Hopefully, refrigerator chess is the only level of ill will you’re experiencing in your relationship. Because that’s ridiculous & sharing is healthy. If your partner is refusing to do things when they’re upset or retaliating in any way, RUN. Nobody should have to deal with their relationship status on Facebook changing based on a bad mood.
