It happens every single day, multiple times a day: a new baby is born. Despite the fact that it’s a common occurrence, we can’t help but be fascinated by babies! A new baby is a beautiful gift and it’s not something we take for granted.

Everyone loves being in the presence of a baby and we love celebrating this new addition to a family. But, despite our overwhelming excitement to meet the new bundle of joy in our lives, there are some common rules of etiquette that everyone should follow (although too many rarely do).

Don’t Ask To See The Baby The First Week

The first week a baby is born should be designated to family time. And the family I mean is the parents of the baby and any siblings. That’s it. This is a time that the parents need to bond with their new child. With the serious lack of maternity and paternity leave that many people receive, the parents may only have a few days or a week to bond. Don’t expect them to allow other people to intrude on that. Allow them to bask in the newfound glory of their baby.

Also, consider the time of year it is. This past flu season was deadly. Newborn babies are susceptible to contracting infections easily. They’re brand new – their body hasn’t worked up an immune system yet! Don’t be upset with the parents for wanting to do what they can to keep their baby healthy, even if that means waiting a few weeks (or months) to see the newborn.

Wash Your Goddamn Hands

Do you have any idea the kind of germs we pick up daily? There is no excuse for not washing your hands before touching a newborn. As I mentioned before, babies don’t have a strong immune system. You may have picked something up from the cart at the grocery store that could transfer to the baby and cause them to get sick. It’s not worth it.

And when the parents politely ask you to wash your hands, don’t comment that you’ve just done it (before you arrived). Give parents the peace of mind that your hands are, in fact clean. Just wash your hands.

Never Show Up Unannounced

The fact that anyone would fathom showing up to anyone’s house unannounced ever (even without a newborn) is just appalling. But, it happens. You have no idea what parents and baby are up to. You could show up and any of the following things might be happening:

• Mom finally got the baby to fall asleep after crying for 2 hours
• Baby is sleeping and an exhausted mom are sleeping (By the way, if you show up and ring the doorbell and wake up mom or baby, you might as well book your ticket to Hell right now)
• Mom is breastfeeding and literally cannot move to answer the door or she’ll lose her latch
• Mom and Dad finally have a few minutes alone and can actually talk to each other and enjoy each other’s company
• Mom hasn’t showered in days and is feeling exhausted, ugly, and depressed

The list goes on. But, there are plenty of things that might be happening to the mom of a newborn and she just doesn’t want to see anyone. She just had a baby come out of her body, she’s entitled to being in control of her own time.

If you do want to visit, call first or arrange a time to come over. Don’t get angry if mom or dad say no.

Don’t Get Angry When Mom or Dad Say “No”

Honestly, this goes for anything. This baby has parents (or a parent) and they are entitled to do whatever they damn well please with their baby. If they don’t want you to kiss the baby? Don’t do it. They don’t want you to pick up a binky baby dropped on the floor and put it back in their mouth? Don’t do it.

Whatever it is that Mom or Dad say no to, don’t counter their request. Don’t say “Oh, it’s okay if you do this or that.” It’s not your place. Go along with whatever Mom or Dad says and just enjoy the time you’re spending with the baby.

No Kissing The Baby

This goes along with the spread of infections. It’s also plain common courtesy. Do not kiss a newborn baby on the mouth. I could say it until I’m blue in the face, but babies are at risk for infections and a kiss can transfer said infections. Just don’t do it.

Now, there are acceptable places to kiss the baby. Try to avoid kissing them on the hands (babies love putting their hands in their mouths). Opt instead for a kiss on the forehead, the cheek, or the feet.

But again, if parents ask you not to kiss them at all, honor that request.

Avoid Asking Personal Questions

You might think that some things are okay to ask, but they’re not. Don’t ask Mom about her labor. If you know she had a c-section, don’t ask about it. These are kind of private matters for some people. They likely don’t want to go into the very personal details about this experience. Unless they decide to bring up the topic themselves, don’t discuss it.

You also want to avoid discussing the topic of breastfeeding. Again, this is a personal experience for mom and baby. It can also be an incredibly frustrating one. Many moms struggle with breastfeeding. It can cause them to feel very sensitive. Avoid the topic, it might be upsetting to an already stressed out Mom.

Keep Your “Expert” Advice To Yourself

This is the most important tip of all and it’s the most discussed topic for moms all over the world. For whatever reason, many people seem to have an opinion about parenting and feel as though their opinion is law. It’s beyond me why common people (i.e. not doctors or medical professionals) think this way.

No one wants your unsolicited advice, so don’t waste your breath even speaking it. The only instance where it is okay to offer your opinion is if you are directly asked for it. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.

That might sound rude. I know people are trying to be helpful, but it often doesn’t come off that way. Giving your opinion appears judgmental, even if that’s not your intention. If mom says that she rocks her baby to sleep and you say that you never did that because of XYZ, mom is going to think she’s doing something wrong (or you’ll annoy the daylights out of her with your high school dropout opinion).

New moms are under a lot of stress and anxiety. Suddenly, they have this beautiful little baby whose life is completely in their hands. Whether they hear opinions or not, Mom is already concerned about whether she is doing a good job or not. Don’t make her feel worse by gently trying to nudge her on your side of a topic.

Every parent has their own style of doing things. Let them. Don’t criticize, judge, or try to sway their opinion. It’s rude and unnecessary.

Visiting a newborn is a wonderful experience. Make sure it’s an experience that’s mutually enjoyable for you and the parents. Practice courtesy when visiting the newborn and you’ll likely be invited over more often to watch him or her grow up.