I've worked in retail stores for almost three years now, and day to day I'm still shocked that people don't know how to properly shop. Shopping correctly and politely isn't rocket science, but for those of you who still don't understand, here's a list of "rules" you should obey while out shopping.

1. Don't leave Mount Everest in the fitting room.

I kid you not, the other day I walked into the fitting room and carried out a pile the size of myself. I don't mind taking your one shirt back where it's supposed to be, but if I have to run around the store for 30 minutes putting back 30 items, then I probably hate you and will definitely talk about you later. It takes at most three minutes to put your shorts back in the correct spot and makes my job just a tiny bit easier.

2. If you decide to be a decent human and put your clothes away, then put it back exactly where you got it.

I don't understand why people put an extra-large shirt in front of an extra-small shirt. Every company sizes from smallest to largest. As a matter of fact, you had to reach back there to grab your shirt... so why didn't you reach back there and put it back properly? Also, if you got a specific item, then put it back in the same specific spot. Nike belongs where the rest of Nike is located, not in the middle of an Under Armour rack. Lastly, putting a stack of clothes on a random shelf instead of on the rack... why? I'd rather you leave them in the fitting room.

3. If you're in a department store, then don't get mad at me if I'm not an expert in a different department.

Obviously, this one only applies to certain places. I work in Dick's Sporting Goods. I'm an apparel associate. Don't get mad at me if I have no idea what kind of kayak you're talking about. I'd be pleased to call someone who's skilled in that field, as long as you don't yell at me or walk away when I'm trying to help you.

4. If the store closes at 9:30 p.m, then don't walk in at 9:25 p.m. and don't stay past closing time.

I've probably been working all day, so if I have to stay 10 minutes past the time I'm scheduled to leave, I'm grumpy. Plus, if you're still in the store, then we can't properly close and finish what we need to do until you leave. I'm begging you, please leave when the store closes.

5. If you're watching me fold a table and want what I'm folding, then ask me to hand it to you rather than waiting until I'm done to rip it apart.

Nothing makes me more angry than when I finish folding a table and it's looking beautiful, then a tornado comes through and turns my table into a pile. If you don't have the nerve to ask me to get you a size, then it's very easy to pick up the stack and neatly remove the one you want.

6. Don't get mad at me if I don't have what you're looking for.

I can't promise you that I have the exact shirt you saw online in the size that you need. I can't promise you that I have any extra clothes in the back (I probably don't). I can't promise you that a size 11 Nike 6.0 Free Runs that are pink, blue, purple and grey are in stock. I might have compression socks that go up to the knee. I'll do my best to find what you're looking for. I'll even order what you're looking for if we don't have it and get it shipped to the store or to you, but don't get mad at me if it's not available the minute you walk in. It's surprising, but I don't control what the company sends to the store.

7. Don't play dress up. If you don't intend to buy it, then either don't try it on or don't come in the store at all.

It's not cute nor is it fun (for you and me) for you to try on 300 different outfits, especially if you don't buy any of them. It hurts me physically for you to do that. If you plan on using a dressing room, then buy something.

I could probably come up with 300 more rules, but these are the most common "rude customer" tendencies. Next time you go shopping, please think about these seven rules.

This article is satire. It's meant for a good laugh!