It is an awkward time of year to be single. Everyone (including mating animals!) seems to be coupling up now that it’s springtime. But, rest assured, I have the perfect ~special someone~ in mind for all of you. They are the perfect lifelong companion. Get ready to cuff them and watch while all of your friends have awkward conversations with their SO’s about whether they’ll stay together over the summer.
Don’t worry, ravioli is here to stay <3. Here are 7 reasons why dating ravioli is better than dating any human:
1. They're bursting with flavor.
They’re always piping hot. Get ready for some mad likes whenever you post a couple selfie on Insta. Get used to letting them be the star of the show. The pay-off is oh so worth it.
2. They're everyone's type.
Ravioli do not judge; they accept everyone. If you’re vegetarian, look for one with a cheese filling; if you’re vegan, scope out that tofu; if you’re gluten-free, find yourself a ravioli who will meet your needs. Do you like a little sauce? Feel free to dress them in whatever way you want. Reds, pinks, whites, and greens match their complexion perfectly.
3. They're cheesy, but in a good way.
Say goodbye to those awkward human flirtations! Ravioli may be cheesy, but they’re always endearing. Plus, they're great listeners. You’ll never have to laugh at an uncomfortable human joke again!
4. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes.
They’re beyond society’s pressures to be thin and toned. Ravioli are unapologetically themselves: bigger, smaller, rounder, longer – no matter how you slice it, they’re so beautiful and true. Never worry about your significant other lying to you every again. Ravioli keep no secrets.
5. Your parents will LOVE them!
If you’re worried about what your parents will think of them, don’t worry. Nearly everyone loves ravioli. The haters (few in number!) can honestly back off. Your parents will start planning the wedding as soon as you introduce them to this new special someone ;).
6. You can hit them up for a good time anytime you want.
Ravioli are always ready for a booty call. Punch a few buttons, and they’ll be coming in hot hot hot! They will never disappoint you.
7. They're loyal.
Loyalty is something we all look for. Reassure yourself with someone who will always have your back. Ravioli ALWAYS will. If you’re having a bad day, bae will comfort you. If you just want to chill, ravioli are always game. If you want to celebrate, they’ll be by your side all night long.
Good luck (you won’t need it), and you’re welcome for the dating advice!
Now that I’ve played matchmaker, PLEASE be sure to send me a wedding invitation once the big day arrives. I except you all to name at least one ravioli child after me. I can’t wait to check in and see all of you! Remember, it all started right here.
