We’ve all been there, a yearlong or more romance in high school or college (or both if you’re anything like me) gone bad and ending either against your wishes or because of some rather sad reasons. Boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends – you name it, we’ve lost it. The important thing is to remember that pain felt in the wake of a relationship ended is the foundation for new endeavors, a stronger you, and a brighter future. Sometimes heartbreak can be the best thing to happen to you.

1. There’s a reason why your heart is broken, and it’s a good reason

If you’re dealing with heartbreak, it means that you must have (at least somewhat) recently ended some sort of relation(ship). Whatever it was, it wasn’t meant to be. If you two didn’t work out, there was good reason for it, and now that you’ve moved on, you will be open to new possibilities and adventures. Often times, relationships are more bad than good for us, especially in our youth, and we can’t see that until after the relationship is over —which prompts my next point…

2. Heartbreak prompts self-reflection

At this point, you must be thinking all sorts of negatives. How could you “lose” them, or how could they do that to you…the reasons for the end of the relationship are endless. Regardless, now you’re hurting, and you’re dwelling. Picking apart old messages and looking back at photos of the two of you, asking yourself countless questions and trying to reason with yourself if things could have been done differently. Although in excess, this dwelling can be rather unhealthy, a little reflection and ownership of your actions in the relationship is super beneficial to future engagements you may have. If you can learn from your mistakes in this relationship, you can work on them in your next. Which brings me to…

3. Learning a tough lesson helps you grow

Life is full of tests, twists and turns, and hardship. We all go through heartbreak, one way or another. Relationships are difficult! Even beyond romantic relations, a relationship of any kind, be it friendship or partnership, there is always give and take. Giving in any sense to a person that you care for can be very trying and time-consuming. In retrospect, you may realize that a year or two has gone by with someone who didn’t work out, and this may be something of a bummer. I always hear my girlfriends saying “I shouldn’t have wasted all that time.” But, I don’t think that just because a relationship didn’t work out is reasoning to believe time spent with another is time wasted. The time in which you were together had its ups and downs, and now that it’s over and you’ve reflected, you have completed a kind of humanistic rite of passage, and you will grow from the pain that accompanies true heartbreak.

4. Heartbreak makes you more human or empathetic

Once you’ve crossed the deep river of longing and loss, you can now understand why all those sappy movies and famous novels are so popular. Everyone identifies with the loss of loved one, for it is an almost inevitable human experience. There aren’t many people I know that haven’t suffered some kind of heartbreak, if any. You can feel more deeply for your friends in their times of need, or more closely relate to the truth of a story of loved loss. Beyond that, you’ll better understand your own range of emotions, and also realize that with such high highs come very low lows, and that is just a facet of the human condition. You can’t have the good without the bad…

5. The loss of one is the gain of another

I’m not saying that the loss of one lover or friend is the immediate open for a replacement, but rather is makes room for new adventures and explorations to be had. Although a new love interest is fine, too! People speak so lowly of rebounds, and I think (depending on context, of course) that they can be perfectly healthy. Rebound or not, without the distraction and time consumption of another, you are able to now look more at your personal interests and likes, throw yourself into your favorite hobbies or working out. The loss of this one piece of your life can act as a catalyst for change in your life, if you let it…

6. Heartbreak can be a great motivator

Now that you find yourself at a bit of a rut, it’s the best possible time to turn things around. Do that thing that you always wanted to do, but never had the guts or determination to do before. What have you got to lose? Take the pain from this breakup and focus it into a new goal, or a goal yet to be completed. Finish that hike up the steep hill, paint the picture of the canal in Venice, study for that exam with sheer obsession and concentration, and then ace it! Of course, life is what you make it, so if you allow this rough patch to work as a push towards your next step, then it will be just that…

7. Get to know yourself better

Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in relationships, especially in terms of identity. How often do you hear a person not being referred to by their name, but rather as the boyfriend/girlfriend of someone else? “Hey, have you seen Jimmy’s girlfriend lately?” – no one wants that (and if you do, perhaps ask yourself why). I’m not saying this happens to everyone, and most healthy relationships consist of two people that are highly independent. But, we are talking about ended relationships, so for the sake of advice, let’s think worst case scenario. It’s important post relationship to remember your favorite things – without your other half. Not the favorite thing that you both used to do together, but the thing that you alone like to do, that makes you particularly happy. Now is the time to look more closely at yourself and who you have become as an individual since the last time you were single.

Once again, it’s all what you make it

• Don’t let this heartbreak define you as a person that suffers from said heartbreak. Allow it to build you up, to make you stronger, to help you understand what you really want in the future from a lover, friend, or partner. Sitting around and longing for someone who isn’t or shouldn’t come back is, although sometimes inevitable and necessary for healing, unproductive and stifling.