You've heard it once and you'll hear it again: You're going to miss high school. Bullsh*t. If you were anything like me and attended a public high school, then you understand the struggle. High school was not and never will be a time I wish to revisit. The hallways and classrooms have seen more of my awkward years and mental breakdowns than I'd like to admit and the food really sucked. Of course, waking up at 6 a.m. and running to catch the big, yellow bus looked great in movies, but the reality is that it's just a miserable, miserable time.
High school is not forever (thank God) and no one could pay me enough money to ever walk the dreaded halls of my former years.
Why, you may wonder? Well, out of the hundreds of reasons, I've compiled it into a short seven:
1. Sharing A Locker.
It was the first day of junior year and you were all moved into your new, cold, damp hallway when all of the sudden you realize that your locker is the new "hot spot," and what does that entail? Oh, well, your best friendnaturally has to move in (because you don't spend enough time together already) and who comes along with her? Ed, Edd, and Eddy. These four baboons not only disrupted my beautiful and perfect locker organization, but filled the entire 4-by-7 space with empty wrappers, empty water bottles, and all of their failed exams. Regularly, all of the garbage would fall out into the middle of the hallway when I was just trying to get my Spanish textbook.
2. Trying To Get Passed 'That' Couple Making Out On Top Of Your Locker.
Now, as if the garbage spill pouring out of your locker before homeroom isn't bad enough, you can always count on that couple making out on top of your locker to put the icing on the cake. We all remember this couple. They were the freaks that couldn't resist playing tonsil hockey at every second of every day because... well, I never quite found out why. All I know is, that girl is now pregnant with her second kid. Ha.
3. Teachers Saying, "I Dismiss You, Not The Bell."
Then why have the f****** bell. If you, Mr. Teacher, dismiss me and the bell does not, please tell me why I hear it ding every 40 minutes. Every teacher in the history of teachers has used this line and it flat out makes no sense. I'm just trying to get out of this sad excuse for a classroom and make my way to my other sad excuse for a classroom. Just let me have the ability to leave when I am summoned to do so, Assholes.
4. Always Having To Sell Candy As A Fundraiser.
And this is why my locker was always filled with garbage. For every fundraiser any high school student has had, they were required to sell candy. You know, they carried around that big box with Kit Kats, Hershey Bars with and without almonds, and I'm not quite sure what else because all of your friends smuggled it when you turned your back? Yeah. I've done it, you've done it, and we've all got a few extra pounds to show for it. Thank you, French club, for requiring me to sell my soul to candy land.
5. Being Required To Take Gym Class.
Unless the "Physical Education" teachers (they hated being called gym teachers) were whipping out that giant rainbow fort thing for gym class, this class period just wasn't for me. Have you ever heard of having to run the mile? AKA hell on earth for people like me who are unable to even walk up a flight of stairs. Yeah, it was terrible, and it in no way, shape, or form encouraged me to live a healthy lifestyle. For Christ's sake, you have us selling candy bars in the locker room. The nurse's office, though, was always your scapegoat. Shout out to you, Ms. Sunshine, for always letting me take a nap instead of playing badminton.
6. The Annoying Hall Monitors.
These are the people in life that need to do less. God forbid you had your cell phone out while walking to the bathroom, trying to text your mom, no less, and you were now required to serve extended detention. Wtf? Somehow in your five-minute venture from the classroom to the vending machine, you've managed to go against the dress code, disrupt the education of others, and threatened the hall monitors life. Did your hall pass accidentally fall out of your pocket onto the floor a few inches back? Detention. Did your teachers tell you to "just go but be quick?" Detention. Did you forget a book in your locker next to your classroom? You know what, just for that, ISS. These people were Satan's accomplice; we'll all see them in hell.
7. The Bomb Threats.
Was it just my school that had students making bomb threats on calculators? What about writing it on the bathroom walls? Or my personal favorite, the old fashion way, picking up the phone and just dialing it in yourself. These student-terrorists decided they wanted to make all 2,000 students stand 800 feet from the building in the middle of January in a snowstorm because they forgot to study for their math test. I'm sure your jail cell was just as cold though, am I right?
So you see, ladies and gentlemen, high school was nothing but a hot, hot mess.
