What is it about college that makes it so hard? Let's find out, idiot.
1. You have to listen
It’s just so difficult to listen to your professor when Kim and Kanye are walking around in the same world! Why would anybody listen to their professor talk about systemic racism when Khloe AND Kylie are pregnant?
2. You have to care
What? Care? Why is it so difficult to retain all this information? If it’s so hard to listen, how am I supposed to care about anything the professor is talking about? I have shopping to do on Amazon and articles to read on Buzzfeed about how McDonald’s is actually healthy for me.
3. The readings are too long
Are you telling me I have 30 pages to read in two days? I don’t have time to do that! It’s completely unfair to assume I have time to squeeze 30 pages of reading into my schedule. What am I supposed to do, NOT spend 4 hours a day learning different ways of making lasagna on YouTube?
4. Trump is the president
Donald J. Trump is President of the United States, and everybody in college hates him! How am I supposed to pass my classes when I also have to spend time agreeing with everybody on social media about how terrible he is. Look! He just tweeted again.
5. I have every form of depression and anxiety
I read on WebMD that I have literally EVERY FORM of depression and anxiety. How am I supposed to complete any tasks when every doctor I’ve never seen has told me that I am not capable! Did you know I’m also allergic to gluten?
6. I have to work
Unlike some people in college, I have to work a whole 10 hours a week! I’ve got bills to pay! My Netflix and Spotify Premium accounts are getting overwhelming. I think I might have to pick up an extra 2-hour shift at the school gym.
7. I am a failure
I simply cannot be a successful college student! For all the above reasons, I just cannot find the time in my life to actualize my dreams. Oh well! I guess I’ll just keep withering away until I’m old enough to have real excuses.
There are many disadvantages restricting certain marginalized groups in the college arena, so let me make it perfectly clear that I understand real problems. This one is just for all the losers out there. Get your shit together, losers.
