Weed. Marijuana. The Devil's Lettuce. Ever since the release of propaganda like "Reefer Madness" and Reagan's insistent War on Drugs, cannabis has been demonized. "Potheads" have been depicted as lazy drug-addicts--until recently. Increased knowledge of cannabis's healing effects has lead state governments to question whether cannabis is a criminal substance. After all, recreational use is legal in Holland, and the Dutch are super nice people! I, however, see a few big problems that come with cannabis legalization. Put down the bong. They are as follows:
1. Jam Band Pollution
There's an overabundance of Phish solos on college campuses as it is. Imagine the same three guitar riffs following you everywhere for the rest of your life. Our ozone layer melts a little more for every nonsensical lyric a jam band puts out there. But hey, blaze on.
2. Poor Nutrition
This is your brain on drugs. This is your brain on Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Because the munchies don't make anyone crave a quinoa bowl.
3. It Takes Money Away From Our Precious Tobacco Industry
Tobacco is as stimulating to the economy as it is to your grandma's scratchy-throated political rants! With "healthier" marijuana in the picture, kids will think rolling up a J is cooler than puffing on a Camel. Forget your lungs-- what about the good cigarettes do for our GDP? (and no, that doesn't stand for "Grand Daddy Purp") Thanks, Big Tobacco!
4. Social Media Overload
We get it. You smoke weed. Smoke tricks, nug pics, and overpriced glass accounts already litter Instagram, but cannabis legalization will lead to everyone and their mom posting stoner selfies. Plus, all your social media channels will be jammed around 4:20 pm, when you just want to watch Tasty videos.
5. These Socks
Staaaaaaaahp.
6. Confusing Your Stash With a Delicious Italian Spice
The guests at your dinner party are about to be OBSESSED with your specialty pasta! Just kidding--what you thought was going to be a night of witty banter has suddenly turned into a group of zombies drooling over House Hunters. (Okay, so that doesn't actually sound so bad.)
7. Growing Local Economies and Groundbreaking Medical Research
Cannabis can help manage all kinds of illness, support local economies, and increase people's overall happiness with relatively little harm done. But why would you want the world to be a better place? Grass is grass, kids!
