More success? Let's be honest, most of us are just trying to find a sliver of success. A tiny-grain-of-salt sized accomplishment. Something, anything, to tell us that everything is going to be alright; that we're not doing this whole grown up thing wrong. For all of us fumbling in the dark searching for the light switch of success, I don't have the answers for you. But I do have some ideas and some advice to keep in mind along your journey. It will all be okay.
1. The good news is you're not an adult yet! The bad news is you're not an adult yet.
In middle school I started a countdown to my eighteenth birthday. I thought that when the sun set on the last day of my seventeenth year and rose again on the first day of my eighteenth, I would be a new woman. I thought that I would wake up and my days as a pubescent caterpillar would be over, leaving behind a punctual, charismatic, and acne-free butterfly. And on that fateful morning as I peered at my pimple-sprinkled face in my bathroom mirror, I realized that all my life, I had thought wrong.
2. It doesn’t just happen overnight.
When I was eighteen I thought I was an adult ... until my tax return came in the mail and I had to ask my dad for help. Some things take time and you learn as you go. Since sort of growing up, I have moved 3,000 miles away from home, I learned how to get an oil change on my own car and I even make my own doctors appointments now. I know, its crazy. But there are still so many things that I have to learn. Last week, I started to think I was an adult again … and then my tax return came in the mail just in time to knock me off of my high horse. Some things take a lot of time (like figuring out how to file your taxes), which brings me to my next point.
3. Asking for help isn’t bad or embarrassing.
When you’re young, you want people to take you seriously. You want people to think that you have it all together and that you can do it all on your own, but truthfully, sometimes you can’t, and that’s okay. It takes maturity to admit that you're in over your head, and in my experience so far in the jobs I’ve had and the classes I’ve taken, people appreciate honesty. Sure, your boss or teacher is going to like it if you can get your work done without assistance or reassurance, but they would also rather like you to ask questions if you are confused, rather than to do the job wrong. Been there, done that, and the answer is yes, you really should wear non-slip shoes inside of a restaurant kitchen (unless you want to break some dishes and bruise your tailbone).
4. Nobody is going to do it for you.
Tagging on to that last nugget––by all means, ask for help when you need it, but don’t do it to the point that you start to rely on people so much that you can’t stand on your own feet. There are just some things that you have to learn how to do on your own. You can watch a million YouTube tutorials and read all of the advice columns online, but in real life there are some problems that you have to figure out on your own. You’ll run into problems at work, in your relationships, and in school, and nobody will respect you if you bring your mom with you to mediate. It’s hard, I know, but at some point you gotta let Mom go and advocate for yourself.
5. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
This is a hard one. I’m going to say that again because seriously, this is a hard one. Don't be that person standing at the front of the checkout line in the grocery store, fumbling with your WellsFargo app because your card just got declined while you were trying to buy 19 dollars worth of bread and cheese. It's embarrassing. Speaking from experience.
Get your finances in order and your priorities in check. You need those new Lululemon leggings just about as much as this country needs Donald Trump as our president (hint: we don’t need Donald Trump as our president). Saving money is important, as is knowing when it's okay to spend a little bit more. I’m someone who rationalizes spending a lot of money because “I’m buying things that will last!” (except I’m buying three pairs of the same thing … in three different colors). Sometimes it's necessary to pay more for better quality, and sometimes you can shop at the dollar store. Be smart with your money my friends. It's hard to come by but easy to blow.
6. Be yourself.
As wise man once said, “It’s hard work being somebody you’re not supposed to be.” That man is named Carl Lentz and he’s totally himself and it’s totally awesome. This stage in life is all about self-discovery, self-creation, and self-improvement (hence my need for so many self-help books). So as you embark upon (or continue upon) this journey toward becoming the person you were meant to be, try dropping the act every once in a while. And by this I mean just forget about what people will think of you, how you look, or who you want to impress. Just be. Let your thoughts and actions flow from whatever drives you. Your conscience, your faith or beliefs, yourfamily or loved ones, achieving your own dreams. Whatever it is, let that influence your steps, not other people, and I promise you, you will be satisfied. You’ll find the right people, the people who like you because you're you, and you’ll go to sleep every night knowing you weren’t pretending.
7. Enjoy the in-between.
I'm trying Khaled, I'm trying.
I mean, YOYO––you're only young once. I personally don’t believe people when they say that the college years are the best years of your life because come on people, it has to get better than dining hall food and communal bathrooms. But I do think that it is important to live in the now and try to enjoy every stage of life, even the in-between stages. This moment, this day, this year, will only ever happen once. It’s happening right now. One day you’re going to look back and it will only exist in your mind as a memory. Don’t you want it to be a good one?
Side note: The first step on the pathway to success, aka adulthood, is to stop quoting DJ Khaled. This one is dedicated to those of you who are not quite there yet either. I feel you. I'm here for you.
