Today is the 7th anniversary of my dad’s death. He lost his battle to cancer a little over a year after his second diagnosis, but this isn’t about his illness or his death, this is about his life and about 7 simple but powerful lessons he taught me and my sisters by the way he chose to live it
1. Ask yourself, does this really matter?
My dad was THE most stressed person on the face of the Earth for a very long time. He used to be a perfectionist and didn’t like things that were out of his control, but life was generous enough to hand him an experience that would change his perspective. After his first battle with cancer, my dad realized that many of the things we worry about don’t really matter at all. He learned to ask himself if the things he was worried about were really going to have an impact a week, a month, a year down the line. Although he was still a perfectionist at heart, he got much better at not sweating the small stuff, and I learned from him to live the same way.
2. Don’t PRE-ocupy
Whenever I did find myself worrying about things (which was often, because apparently stress propensity is genetic), my dad would always tell me “ no te PRE-ocupes” (don’t PRE-ocupy, though it doesn’t translate fully right). He emphasized the “pre” because in his mind there was no need or value in worrying about things ahead of time. For things to be worthy of your worry should pass a second filter: can you do anything about it? I still get stressed out and mad about things that aren’t in my control, but I always remember my dad’s PREocupy in my head as a warning sign that I the stress might not be worth it.
3. You (literally) don’t know what will happen tomorrow
My dad’s obsession with not preoccupying yourself came from his very strong belief in the fact that we don’t know what the hell tomorrow will bring. My dad’s first experiences with cancer (when I was 3) changed his view on life. He realized you can go from being perfectly happy and healthy to not being here. It sounds dark and twisty but he didn’t see it like that at all, he just took it as an opportunity to teach us not to worry or plan too much about the future, and to enjoy what we have right now. I’ve lived my life like this for many years now and I think it’s definitely helped me become a happier person - I truly relish in the small things that come about every day instead of thinking about how to be happy 10 years down the line.
4. Stay curious
Have you ever found yourself wondering why a piece of information is relevant to you? Like, do I really need to know this? Most of the times the answer to that question is no; technically there’s a lot of knowledge that is practically useless in your everyday life. But my dad was a big advocate of knowledge for the sake of it, and so am I. My dad taught me to stay curious, to ask questions about everything and to find answers even when they “don’t matter.” That’s why today, when someone asks a random question like what’s the capital of Kazakhstan, I look it up, even if not knowing will probably not impact my life whatsoever. There is value in curiosity and those little bits of information make us richer and more cultured, even if we don’t think there’s much use to them. (The capital of Kazakhstan is Astana in case you were wondering - and yes, I had to look it up.)
5. Balance is important, but make it
My dad wasn’t always the most balanced person. Apparently, he used to work A LOT when were babies, but I don’t remember him like that at all. Early in life, he realized to put his priorities in order and as much as he stayed a hard worker, he always made time for other things that mattered. I learned from him that “balance” isn’t just about spending time at home, it’s about giving everything the proper time. He made time for himself, he made time for my mum away from us, he even made time for the three of us individually to do the things we each liked to do with him. The point about balance is that in order for it to be worth it, you need to really dedicate the time to doing things meaningfully. If you’re going to do something, commit to it and do it right, give the the time it deserves or might as well not do it at all.
6. Never deny food when someone asks for it
When I was about 8 or 9 my dad and I stopped at a gas station and went to grab sodas. There was a kid at the door of the convenience store who asked my dad if he would buy him something to eat. My dad told him to come in with us and chose whatever he wanted. After the kid left with two hotdogs I asked my dad why he agreed to buy them and his answer is a lesson I’ll never forget “That’s probably the only meal he’ll have today.You never say no when someone asks for food.” Why? Because $10, or skipping a meal won’t make a difference for me, but for someone who hasn’t eaten all day it makes all the difference in the world.
7. Fill yourself with others
If there is one lesson that encompasses everything my dad taught me it would be “empty yourself of yourself and fill yourself with others”. My dad learned early in life that we’re not as interesting as we think we are. We are always better off learning from other people and sharing our time than we are speaking about ourselves. My dad taught me that even though we are the key to our own happiness, the people we surround ourselves with play a big part in it.S o not only did I learn to choose people who will fill me up and who I can learn something from, but I also learned the importance of making time for them.
Seven years later these seven lessons keep impacting my view on life and my way of living. They have made me who I am today and even though I don’t get to see him anymore, I still constantly thank my dad for teaching about life through his own living.
