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7 Fun Accessories For Your Next Existential Crisis

Gear up!

Kelly Duggan

Jul 18, 2016

Chelmsford, MA

7 Fun Accessories For Your Next Existential Crisis

The Verge

What if every major life decision you've made has been wrong? What's your real purpose? Do you even have a purpose? Does anyone have purpose? Is there a God? Have you ever really thought about how big space is? Are we all just doomed to be prisoners to capitalist hell? Existential crises can be tough, but these great products can help you get through your Next Big Breakdown. Thanks, capitalism!

1. Fuzzy blanket

They're called comforters for a reason! There's nothing like burrowing into a big, fuzzy blanket instead of tending to your responsibilities. For an added bonus, get some chairs and build a blanket fort. Nobody can get in without a password--not even dread!

2. Waterproof mascara

Existential crises usually come in unannounced, leaving you no time to take off your makeup beforehand. Investing in a waterproof formula will ensure you can run to the store to get emergency Ben & Jerry's without looking like a crazed raccoon. Swipe on some eyeliner for an easy day to night transition!

3. Teddy Bear

Aww! This adorable little guy will listen to all your deepest fears without telling you to "get a grip," or "please just take the pizza and leave, ma'am." Plus, bears can't ignore your texts.

4. "The Hills," Season 1

"The Hills" heals all. The trivial problems of rich, white 20-somethings are a perfect distraction from your major anxieties. Regretting every choice you've ever made? Please. Lauren picked Jason over Paris.

5. Guard Rail

Perfect for keeping yourself from falling into the void.

6. Bath Bomb

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, try wallowing in a floral scented bath! They're super relaxing and soaking with a multicolored bath bomb will make you feel like a regal princess, not a scared millennial.

7. Amazon store card

Retail therapy! Nothing solves a crisis better than buying a bunch of random shit. In retrospect, this is a terrible idea, but you'll have time to regret it when your next existential crisis comes around!

Are we even real? What if life is just a simulation? What happens after we die? Shhhhh. Just put on "The Hills."

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

7 Fun Accessories For Your Next Existential Crisis

Gear up!

1. Fuzzy blanket

2. Waterproof mascara

3. Teddy Bear

4. "The Hills," Season 1

5. Guard Rail

6. Bath Bomb

7. Amazon store card

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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