Death always seems to come when life is good and everything starts to be going alright. And then out of nowhere, you're reminded of how cruel life can be. The stages of grief don't always go in order, they come in waves or all at once. Grief never comes when you think it should. It comes when a certain song comes on or the sun shines through the window just right. I take comfort in the fact that everyone experiences grief, even when you feel all alone knowing that everyone goes through a process that helps a little bit.
1. Denial
It doesn't seem real. Thinking that you'll never see that person again, never hear their voice or feel their touch again. It doesn't seem possible that one minute they're here and the next they cease to be. I've found that this stage remains ever-present no matter how much time has passed. And feeling like they could appear at any time and everything would be fine once again remains too.
2. Anger
Once the loss finally sinks in the resentment sets in. Analyzing all the precious moments that lead up to the event, thinking about how things could be different and why they're not.
3. Bargaining
Goes hand in hand with anger, thinking about how things could've and should've been different. Believing that there might be something you could do if only you could will it into existence.
4. Depression
Comes when realizing that the person is never coming back and finding their presence in everything. This is the long-lasting stage, the one that holds on and makes you feel everything like pins in your skin.
5. Acceptance
The hardest stage to come to. It's greeted many times but turned away. Somehow it feels like you're letting go of the person when you accept they're gone. But once you do, you realize that they're actually with you no matter where you go. That's an uplifting feeling.
What I've come to understand about death is that it's always shocking and breath-taking. The unsettling feeling lasts for so much longer than you think it ever should. With every death you experience you find yourself more humble with the gift of life than you thought you could. You normally only remember the good times and are grateful for the times you got to share,
But it never gets any easier. Years down the road it will still bring you to your knees on the day they died and something feeling off at every major event. It doesn't get easier, but you learn an appreciation for this intently brutal life. How fast it goes and how much it means.
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