Procrastination: It's the one thing every college kid is a master in. We may be terrible at a lot of things (cooking, prioritizing, healthy relationships) but we are professionals in the art of avoidance. I consider myself a procrastinator connoisseur. No matter its importance or immediacy, I can put off just about anything and everything. Exhibit A: I am writing this article 3 hours before it needs to be sent in for edits. Every good avoider knows that you need something to do instead of the thing you should be doing. You can't stare at the wall while you procrastinate. Here's a list of the things I do or have actually found myself doing while procrastinating.
1. Use any and every form of social media
Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, VSCO, MySpace, Pinterest, the list goes on...
2. Waste time on dating apps
Shoutout to Tinder for the endless supply of corny pickup lines and hours of wasted time swiping left.
3. Update my apps and phone software
4. Clean out my phone pictures
5. Listen to my voicemails
"Hi, Maria this is a reminder that you have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Smith on September 3rd, 2014 at 4:00 pm"
6. Delete old text messages
7. Clean out my emails
*Deletes 43 expired coupons and cries*
8. Organize my Spotify playlists
9. Set alarms for when I'll start doing things
10. Watch Youtube videos
The Holy Grail of procrastination content
11. Check my bank accounts
If I have $10.42 in checking and $4.76 in savings, how much of it can I spend on takeout?
12. Invest in the stock market
Is $5 enough to buy some shares in Disney? Asking for a friend...
13. Pay bills and check my credit cards
Something I most likely procrastinated at a different time
14. Email my long last penpal
I haven't talked to Jennifer since the 1st grade but maybe I see how she's doing?
15. Take BuzzFeed quizzes and hope they predict my future
Buzzfeed said I'll be a mermaid whose married to Channing Tatum and living in Morocco with my four children by June so it must be true, right?
16. Google famous people
Did you know that Zac Efron has two middle names or that Ellen Pompeo met her husband in a grocery store?
17. Do the dishes
18. Clean my entire house
19. Sort recyclables and take out the garbage
20. Try to create a get rich quick scheme
*Thinks up great invention and realizes its already invented*
21. Go to the gym
Everyone knows the best workouts come from avoiding an important task!
22. Take a shower
23. Do laundry
24. Clean out my closet
25. Use WebMD to look up strange diseases
Fact: there are 30 known cases of people being allergic to water
26. Go grocery shopping
27. Cook like a professional chef
Normally I microwave my meals but when I need to avoid studying, I act like a contestant on an episode of Chopped.
28. Bake and decorate a cake
*Writes 'Congrats on the time wasted' in pink frosting*
29. Go to the mall
30. Online Shopping
Amazon, American Eagle, RedBubble, Forever 21, Tobi, Jet, Zulily; you name a site and I've procrastinated and spent money on it.
31. Pretend like I need something from Target
32. Give myself a manicure
*Attempts fancy nail art for an hour* *Gives up and paints nails black*
33. Put on a facemask
34. Put on a full face of makeup
35. Go to Church
36. Read the Bible
Did Jesus say anything about procrastination?
37. Organize my bookshelves
Alphabetical order, by genre, or by author last name, all work well for procrastination
38. Read old books
Goosebumps is a great way to waste time.
39. Organize my schoolwork (without actually doing any of it)
40. Brush up on my Spanish skills
"¡Me gusta posponer las cosas!"...translations: I like to procrastinate!
41. Plan a trip I can't afford to take
42. Plan my non-existent wedding
43. Choose my non-existent kids' names
Dylan, Davey, Dahlia, Delilah... some many names and so much time to waste!
44. Design my dream house
Should I have a trampoline room or one of those indoor skydiving things? or both?
45. Plan out my entire life that won't happen unless I stop procrastinating
46. Take a nap
47. Drive somewhere
I have gotten lost multiple times while avoiding some kind of project or deadline.
48. Go to the carwash
49. Vacuum my car's interior
50. Watch Netflix/Hulu/Anything on TV
51. Text all of my friends
"Hi, can you help me avoid my Russian Lit paper?"
52. Call my parents
53. Call my siblings
"Hi... No, I'm not calling because I have math homework due! I just really want to know how you are."
54. Call my grandma
55. Take another nap
You can never have too many naps.
56. Draw something poorly
57. Choreograph a dance
58. Try to crave something out of soap
True story: I have attempted to carve Abraham Lincoln's face in a bar of soap more times than I'd like to admit.
59. Attempt to knit something
60. Find more ridiculous ways to waste time
Procrastination is a dangerous pastime. It's all fun and games until you're writing an article, studying for organic chemistry and trying to finish math homework all at the same time. It's something I, and probably every college kid out there, should work on. That being said, I have to finish my soap carving of Oprah and write a letter to Sandy, my 3rd-grade penpal so it'll have to wait for now.
