There’s that one Sunday in February every year where it is part of our obligation as American citizens to sit around the TV with our friends and watch the Super Bowl. It doesn’t really matter how into the sport you are, or if you’re into any sports at all, you know you’re going to be at a social event centered around the game when this one Sunday rolls around. Personally, I can’t stand watching sports. I never got into them, never played any, and never enjoyed watching the game. My friends and I are the type of people who talk to each other the entire game, but shut ourselves up and turn up the volume the second the commercial breaks begin (and obviously our eyes are glued to the screen during the halftime show). I’m more than glad to use this game as an excuse to sit around my friends, but you won’t catch me dead looking at the TV screen while the game is on. Here are 60 things I’d rather do than actually watch the Super Bowl.

1. Shave my head

2. Swallow an entire bottle of red wine vinegar

3. Get a paper cut

4. Stare at my food as it cooks

5. Jump on broken glass

6. Light my hair on fire

7. Quit using electricity

8. Hug a porcupine

9. Watch paint dry

10. Quit using the internet

11. Get my wisdom teeth pulled out... again

12. Drink an entire bottle of hot sauce

13. Pull out my fingernails

14. Learn computer coding

15. Hear the sound of nails on a chalkboard

16. Eat a raw sweet potato

17. Bend my fingers all the way backwards

18. Wash dishes

19. Quit eating cookies

20. Read the entire Webster Dictionary in one sitting

21. Play Cheetah Girl songs on repeat around my house for a week straight

22. Eat cold pizza

23. Drop my phone right after getting the screen fixed

24. Step on a Lego

25. Not tweeze my eyebrows for two months

26. Have the door slammed on my pinky finger

27. Give a middle-aged man a Brazilian wax

28. Walk on the Throgs Neck Bridge in between car lanes

29. Delete all forms of social media

30. Clean the kitchen table with my toothbrush and then use it

31. Take the SAT again

32. Get soap in my eye

33. Have a water balloon thrown at my face

34. Make my bed

35. Potty train a two-year-old

36. Wear school uniforms

37. Get hit on the back with a paddle

38. Give up Chipotle

39. Get my forehead tattooed

40. Post my social security number on flyers around campus

41. Assemble a bed by myself

42. Dye my hair green

43. Squeeze milk from a cow

44. Talk about politics with Kim Kardashian

45. Go skydiving without a parachute

46. Leave my headphones at home when I go to the gym

47. Wear my retainer 24/7

48. Get an Indian burn

49. Take a freezing cold shower

50. Swim in a polluted lake

51. Break my phone screen

52. Have an allergic reaction

53. Do the ice bucket challenge outside while it’s snowing

54. Cut all my hair off

55. Get a mosquito bite on my forehead

56. Watch Fifty Shades Darker with my parents this weekend

57. Spend my day at a convenience store

58. Wear jeans to class

59. Sew my own clothes

60. Anything at all honestly

Yes, I dislike watching sports that much. However, if you want to get together for a chat and some pizza in about a year from now, we can catch up while the Super Bowl is playing on the screen in the background!