I don’t mean to brag, but I would say I am an expert on this topic. I can’t imagine my first semester at a new school, where I went in knowing basically no one, without my roomie and now best friend. Yes, I got a bit lucky, but I also followed a strict set of guidelines while going through the incredibly awkward and terrifying process of finding a roommate.
I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of roommate horror stories… and the scariest part about them is that they are very true and very common. The main thing to remember is that your first roomie really does matter and has the power to alter your whole first year of college, so don’t take this process lightly.
Stay away from the package-deal-boyfriends and the “oh-these-are-your-jeans-I-just-stained?” types by following this simple set of ground rules.
Here are Six Tricks to Finding the Ideal First College Roomie:
1) Don’t be TOO open-minded
I feel a little guilty saying this… but if there’s anytime in your life to channel your inner-Regina George, it’s now. Be judgmental and stalk away. If you’re getting bad vibes based on their social media, don’t force a conversation and god-forbid don’t ask if they’re looking for a roommate. It’s awesome to reach out and message someone that has a different style, different major, or lives in a different state, just don’t go too far out of your comfort zone. You can tell a good amount about someone’s values based on their social media. If you’re a dedicated liberal and their timeline is filled with “pro-life” articles or if you’re into studying and staying-in and their Instagram is filled with red solo cups and “blurry memory” captions, KEEP LOOKING. Remember you’re going to be living with this person… don’t ignore the surface level red flags.
2) It’s not all about the insta-aesthetic
Like I said, social media matters, but it’s not the end-all. We all love to stalk the pretentious profiles of perfect girls with perfect bodies. The girls who seem to be constantly at tropical resorts, eating “insta-worthy” avocado toast, and posting pics of their lattes with their Cartier rings strategically in the frame. These insta-stars seem to be living perfect lives… but that doesn’t mean they’d be the perfect person to live with. It’s crucial that you can have a deeper, non-materialistic, conversation with a potential roomie. Don’t room with the substanceless girl just because she has 5,000 followers. Room with the girl that makes you laugh even if she’s not a social-media celeb.
3) Similar hometowns or growing up experiences is key
My roomie grew up in Ann Arbor and I grew up in East Lansing, but this Michigan rivalry turned out to be the glue that held us together. We both grew up in college towns, went to large public schools, and have tons of high-school friends at University of Michigan and Michigan State. Our similar childhood environments molded us into similar people. We both feel FOMO when we see all our high school friends together at the same school, and we also both remind each other every day that we made the best decision to go out of state. We both have an un-denying love for the two schools we grew up rooting for, but we also love cheering on IU together as Hoosiers. And we both have autopilot responses for the most annoying question we get whenever we meet new people: “Why didn’t you go to U of M or MSU?” Our comparable hometowns were an innate connection that made us closer from the very beginning.
Your roomie doesn’t need to be from the same state in order for you to be able to connect with them, but make sure you ask them questions about how they grew up and compare them to how you grew up. Did he or she go to a big or small school? Did he or she live in a city or the country? Is he or she a plane ride from home or a 15-minute drive? These details don’t just tell you about where someone is from but also who they are.
4) Visit if possible!
Fortunately, I only lived an hour away from my roomie so it was easy for me to visit her the summer before our first semester we intended on living together. If at all possible, this is definitely a trip worth taking. You truly can’t judge someone’s character until you talk to them in person. Keep in mind it will be extremely awkward when you first meet, and you can’t expect to be automatic best friends. My roomie and I laugh at the forced conversations we had when we first met that summer, compared to the deep and hilarious conversations we have now. These awkward convos are better to have when you still have time to back out, rather than when it’s too late and you’re already at school.
When you visit, remember there’s a difference between awkward and uncomfortable. It’s okay if you don’t instantly click. It’s okay if you have to fake laugh at his or her jokes. And it’s okay if the conversations are boring and surface level. But, it’s not okay if you can’t even think of one thing to say. It’s not okay if you feel threatened or scared at the idea of living with them. And it’s not okay if you feel like you have to change who you are just to please him or her. Trust your gut. If the visit goes incredibly awry, back out while you still can! If you can’t handle one quick visit, there’s no way you will be able to handle living together for an entire year.
5) Can you be friends with their friends?
If you get the chance to visit, see if you can meet some of your roomie’s friends from home, and if not ask what his or her friends are like. Remember these are the types of people your roomie chooses to surround himself or herself with… can you see yourself as one of these people? Or can you at least see yourself tolerating these people? You don’t have to be best friends with your roomie at school or even be in the same friend group, but you have to at least get along with these people because they will be in your room the most other than you and your roommate.
Make sure you ask your roommate if any of their home friends are coming with them to college. If your roomie is coming in with their full squad since Pre-K and you are coming in knowing no one, you may feel extremely excluded the first few weeks of school. This may not be intentional, but they will be coming to college with millions of memories and experiences together that will often be the topics of conversations you won’t be able to participate in. However, this can also be a good thing because you instantly have a group of people to hangout and go out with.
My roommate and I both came in knowing pretty much no one, which was both good and bad. It instantly made us closer because we were each other’s first college friends, but also made it a bit difficult to meet people at first since neither of us had any connections. If you can find the perfect medium - congrats, but I’m not sure that balance truly exists. This is an instance when you have to trust your gut, and understand that you don’t have complete control of the potential different outcomes.
6) Be honest about yourself and your flaws
This is an obvious tip that is often overlooked. You’re doing your future roomie a favor if you act like yourself from the get-go rather than trying to fit to the ideal roommate stereotype. Don’t tell them you’re a neat freak if your bedroom is constantly messy. Don’t tell them you’re down to share anything and everything if you have a special pair of jeans too close to your heart to lend out. And especially don’t pretend you don’t care if their boyfriend comes to visit every weekend, and if your boyfriend plans on visiting every weekend, TELL HER. Mutual honesty from the beginning will avoid unexpected problems later on.
If you follow these tips, listen to your gut, and have a little bit of luck on your side, you’ll be the one sharing your true roomie-love story instead of a horror story.
