Goodbye to late summer nights, and hello 7 a.m. classes. As college students say goodbye to binge watching Netflix to cramming in late night studying it’s safe to say most humorous things are being sucked away from our fingertips. False. If there is anything that a first week college student needs, it’s funny things on the internet. And just so happens I have found that “funny thing.”
Say hello to "Arrested Development’s" character Tobias Funke, a wannabe actor with the world’s worst kind of phrasing. If you need a good laugh, and a pick me up after this first week back to school scroll down and get ready to wonder why you even clicked on this in the first place. If you think your first week was rough, get ready to be surprised.
Behold Tobias Funke quotes
1. My schedule however, is as open as my relationship with my wife. So why don't we pair up? And hit the town together! I'll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up
Talk about saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. At least you didn’t put all these words in the same sentence while trying to get your point across. Better yet, you didn’t record yourself saying that sentence and continually repeat it throughout the day.
2. Come on. Let's see some bananas and nuts. Oh, perhaps we should just pull their pants off.
In context of this sentence, Tobias was giving a film review. Pretty bad right? Better yet he was describing this to his daughter.
3. Michael if I may take off my pants and pull my analrapist stocking over my head, I think George Michael may be suffering from what we in the soft-sciences call "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder", or the "The O.C. Disorder
A personal favorite quote by Tobias, this is where he mashes two words together in hopes of creating a new word to describe a situation. Let’s just say students shouldn’t try this one without prior approval.
4. I'm afraid I just blue myself
A phrase where you literally put blue paint all over your body. Only recommended if you plan on joining the “Blue Man Group” after your college career.
5. Ooh, I can taste those meaty, leading man parts in my mouth!
Yes, he was just describing “British” food he was trying for the first times
6. You know, first of all, we are doing this for her, because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert - oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead!
Everything about this sentence was wrong, just when you think your week could get worse, at least you didn’t say this to your brother in-law.
If you ever need a good laugh, or just a reason to stray away from some homework for a while, no doubt Googling “Tobias Funke” will get your mind off things. Stay strong students, and remember nothing is a bad as these quotes. (wink)
